Long day at work...

Long day means having a very hard and difficult time the whole day. I had a long day today at work. It was a non stop things to settle. Started with a presentation I need to prepare for tomorrow's meeting and then a long list of cases to finalize. In between time I need to entertain a couple of clients/agents/salesman and then needed to read and correct a student's report with a few "spiteful" warning to not let them go in and out as pleased. Again an evaluation form to be distributed and analyzed plus an incoming request of looking for some information and gathering some important data by superior to handle carefully and be done speedily. I was totally feeling the rush of adrenaline but this one cause the tightening of my chest and the blurring of my vision. Slowly I melted under the pressure. I was sure scared as hell I was experiencing mental derangement. This was the second time in two weeks I was not in the right state of mind.

This two weeks have been the hardest. I constantly feels the urge to quit soonest lest I lose my sanity or close to having a nervous breakdown. I am not sure why. The amount of job? Not. I am not happy with my job? Yes. There is nothing else that could explain my continual withdrawal from taking any sorts of responsibility with the works I currently undertake.

What should I do? One minute I feel like I am returning to life and that I have tons of energy to waste on doing all these things, the next minute my shoulders slumped, my head bowed and I just don't want to move on any further. This definitely feels so wrong. I could not even consider having a long term relationship with this kind of feeling I harbour with my job. I want to be somewhere else soonest.

I rather stay close to the soil plowing the field and plant something and see it grows than be surrounded by walls, with piles of paper and files to browse through. It is no longer fun.

I love the precious moments I sweat doing farmer's job. It feels wonderful. I guess I truly am a farmer's daughter because it gives me immense pleasure to just be close to the soil, plants and the earthly things.

What do I do?