If I gain the whole world??

The last command slowly finds its way to my receptive heart. Yesterday night was awesome but today is equally marvelous. The sermon Tony delivered is spot on and it couldn't be better than how it has been delivered.

While I have struggled all the while about communicating my feelings and how my world often turned topsy turvy everytime I starts talking, I find a renewed strength in me to keep on pressing on forward in spite of my lacking.

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To Enter His Rest

It is saturday when I write this down, six more minutes to Sunday. I just come back from a dinner in conjunction with the 10th year anniversary of a church my friend attended. I am by the way invited because there are two more seats available and my cousin chose to take me along with her.

The last couple of weeks has been a spiritual breakthrough for me and today is an unexceptional day as well. I think it shouldn't be a coincidence when just two days ago I went to the library and chanced upon a book written by an author who spoke on tonight's dinner. When I heard his name being called up, I thought it sounded familiar and although I did not particularly put interest in the book he has written I did remember him as the author of the book.

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The Paradox of Our Time

by Dr.Bob Moorehead

The paradox of our time in history is that we have

taller buildings, but shorter tempers;

wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families;

more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge,

but less judgement; more experts, but more problems;

more medicine, but less wellness.

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Open letter to reader..:)

Dear readers, how are you all? ^_^

I am asking with a broad smile on my face. The reason is because I am "happy". Since I take the first step to reveal my weaknesses on this blog, things have been progressing very well. I think, it is true about knowing yourself and being objective as the key to progress in life.

I feel that everything I am going through up to today is whatever battle I need to overcome to be a "confident" me. I believe my realization of my weaknesses has helped me to see more reasons to stand up for myself.

With that note, I hope things are going well in your life too. What I mean by going well is not necessarily not having a problem but having problems that help to make you a better person

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Be still

It is easy to say all the bad things under the pretense of being "sincere". I love the feeling of unburdening myself through words written down but I am afraid if it doesn't quite serves it purpose of building up or edifying others. Just then, I thought of calming myself down and found a comforting verse from Psalm 46:10 Be Still and Know that I am God.

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Long day at work...

Long day means having a very hard and difficult time the whole day. I had a long day today at work. It was a non stop things to settle. Started with a presentation I need to prepare for tomorrow's meeting and then a long list of cases to finalize. In between time I need to entertain a couple of clients/agents/salesman and then needed to read and correct a student's report with a few "spiteful" warning to not let them go in and out as pleased. Again an evaluation form to be distributed and analyzed plus an incoming request of looking for some information and gathering some important data by superior to handle carefully and be done speedily. I was totally feeling the rush of adrenaline but this one cause the tightening of my chest and the blurring of my vision. Slowly I melted under the pressure. I was sure scared as hell I was experiencing mental derangement. This was the second time in two weeks I was not in the right state of mind.

This two weeks have been the hardest. I constantly feels the urge to quit soonest lest I lose my sanity or close to having a nervous breakdown. I am not sure why. The amount of job? Not. I am not happy with my job? Yes. There is nothing else that could explain my continual withdrawal from taking any sorts of responsibility with the works I currently undertake.

What should I do? One minute I feel like I am returning to life and that I have tons of energy to waste on doing all these things, the next minute my shoulders slumped, my head bowed and I just don't want to move on any further. This definitely feels so wrong. I could not even consider having a long term relationship with this kind of feeling I harbour with my job. I want to be somewhere else soonest.

I rather stay close to the soil plowing the field and plant something and see it grows than be surrounded by walls, with piles of paper and files to browse through. It is no longer fun.

I love the precious moments I sweat doing farmer's job. It feels wonderful. I guess I truly am a farmer's daughter because it gives me immense pleasure to just be close to the soil, plants and the earthly things.

What do I do?

Baby Faced Beauty

I have not written a review of a drama for quite sometime. This makes Baby faced beauty quite the extraordinaire to grace my page on this auspicious day. ^_^

I have enjoyed this drama and had fun following it from the first episode till the last one. It was funny, quirky and inspirational.

The pair of Daniel Choi played as Choi Jin Wook and Jang Nara as Lee So Young didn't exactly made me giggle but I can accept their pairing. They were so lovely together. The second lead man Ryu Jin and second leading lady Kim Min Seo were admirable at some scenes.

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At last...??

Things are progressing quite well. Some good news came up later last week. My hubby is offered a job close to wife area. :) It put a smile on wife face. But..on some circumstances, It still feels like a not so right move to take on.

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Get paid and be happy?

Is there any enjoyable job you could never get tired of doing everyday of your life? There are days when I work I am totally 100% in it but more than half of my working time, I invested in daydreaming of the day I can finally quit and "rest".

A friend said if you know how to be thankful and grateful you will appreciate your job more and not keep on complaining on how much you hated or bored with your job. She got a point there.

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How long are you going to stay there?...

I feel that when we finished our schooling years, often we are left with the void of not knowing what to do next?. We start with zero and keep on going forward with no goal or whatsoever particular in mind. If we are to look for a career we couldn't be picky and just take whatever opportunity that comes our way. Soon at mid length of our affair with our first job, we would be thinking about our suitability in the career and if it is paying us enough for survival. In no time we would call it quits and head start with another better paying job. That's what happened to me.

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A Fulfilling life...

I yearn for a fulfilling life. One that takes me higher every steps of the way.

I yearn for a life where I got to play hard, work hard and appreciated.

A life consists of meaningful relationship, interesting goals to pursue and rewards for hard work to look forward to.

I want something more than just going through all the motion in a given day

I want to be inspired to do more.

I want to give all I can to do anything that is possible. If only my heart is opened that way to see more, to feel more and to give more.

I want to share my heart and give it till it bleeds. I want it broken and shattered for giving so much so it could no longer contain more.

I want my heart to be overflowing with gladness and joy that my veins are pumped up so much so it all rupture.

I want to be used, to use all of me to the last cell of my existence.

I want to live and die..being fully used...with nothing left but dust

And when I die...

With only the wind to whisper my name...and nothing more..

With no grave to shed tears...and only the memory left behind..

And even when the memory fades...God bless my soul..

for I wish never to live for me..

or to be remembered...

I just want to live a fulfilling life...

FULLSTOP

What is your hope?

Are you working hard for something in your life? Your life long dream?

I know we work hard everyday for something but sometimes in working hard, therein lies our life long dream that we truly work hard for.

My life long dream isn't big. I only wish to find a place I can truly call "my home".

In the place I can call home, I am free to express myself willfully

and I am able to sleep at night peacefully.

In my home I want to feel truly belonged to the people around me.

I want to feel at peace making mistakes, shouting in anger, expressing my fears without the void of insecurity.

I want to leap in joy just thinking about going back "home" and play all day long without the need to lock myself in.

I do not want to have "a room" but the whole house.

Every space is nicknamed "joy" and painted in clear white to give vibes of honesty, purity and clarity.

In my home, my husband is loved, my children are blessed and we gather together to speak our thoughts freely and lovingly.

We touched each other hearts with honesty and treat each other with respect irrespective of our differences.

There is no difference between the young and the old. Their opinion all matters and none ideas discarded without being weighed fairly.

When one is hurting the other will comfort and when one is happy the rest will be partying.

There is no single moment that doesn't count and even a little cry will be given a thorough attention for who knows the heart may speak much than the little cry.

When joy seems diminished, everyone lift up everyone soul and song of joys filled up the air from morning till night that everyone is singing in sync.

My children will be radiant in joy and my husband is smiling with gratefulness.

This is the place I called "my home".The place where love resides.

Your ideal Partner

Have you ever thought about the ideal partner or person you wished to be married to when you were still single and searching? I never did.

A friend of mine once told me that she listed down the qualities of the person she wished to be married with when she was as young as 15 years old. It was in her bucket of list for prayers. When I listened to her story, I was amazed at how early someone can actually started to pray about her other half. As she revealed later, she got almost 90% of her listed qualities in the man she was married to.
I on the other hand never bothered to think of man. There was even a period in my life when I toyed with the idea of remaining single for the rest of my life. It was all because of my parents constant bickering with each other that I naturally presumed marriage was not something to look forward to.

When attraction to the opposite sex started as it should be in any natural progression of life, I began to question like many other did of "what love is?" I had no idea of the meaning of love between a man and a woman or how possible it could be.I assumed love just happened when it should happen and we don't really need to have any kind of standard to start falling in love or to start liking someone. I could conclude that I had a very convoluted ideas of what love was. There was even a lot of new terms I learned which further confused my idea of love. The so called "infatuation", a "crush", and so on and so forth that it was making it harder for me to understand love.It was not surprising that my journey to find true love was stalled and hindered by many unresolved issues of my own doing. It was my lack of understanding on the subject of love which rendered me the problem I faced with much regrets.

Upon much soul searching I found my answer inevitably in one of a well-written book.It was written by Joshua Harris entitled I kissed Dating Goodbye. When I read this book a light sparked in my head and I started to understand better the concept of dating. Paired this book with my friend story and everything becomes clear. It doesn't matter that by the time I read it I was already married. What matter was that, I now have the clear idea of what answer I am going to give to my children once they started questioning about love and relationship.

My guess is that it would be different for each and every one and maybe you would be like Ah Jung in the Lie to Me drama who could not met the list of qualities her man listed out for her but otherwise understand her strength and her true feelings. Either way as long as it works for your love life, just go for it.

If you are still single, list the qualities of the person you wish to be married to, pray for it and then grab a book of dating and relationship by Joshua Harris or else, take your own journey to discover the bitter sweet of finding your true love.

My wish is you will finally get hold on the one who makes your day seems brighter when the day is dark.

Have a wonderful day ahead! ^_^