When everybody is talking, I tend to fade into the background. Noise gives me "headache". It reminds me of a scene in Mary Stayed Out All Night at Episode 16. In that scene, Mae ri was trying to calm down the couple who was arguing following an interview conducted by her about the expectation of the couple regarding their relationship. However, the couple being oblivious of her polite interference turned a blind eye on her. In her futile effort, Mae ri simply faded into the background and she slipped away as quiet as a mouse.
During a course I attended about two weeks ago, the participants of the course were divided into 7 groups to conduct a mock audit. Each group was given the task to prepare their own check list on certain clause to ask the auditee. Our group was the lucky number 1 to start off with the audit. All eyes were on us. The facilitator guided us the right way to ask question by using our checklist as the guideline. Since they were so many people in the same room, I had a hard time to speak up and ended up being silent. It was tremendously stupefying. Hence the floor was open for everybody to throw questions and alas the "uproar" begun. I, on the other hand simply faded into the background.
I am not sure why I behaved in such a way in the crowd of people. I freeze up around people. I am still trying to figure out myself.
Do you know what is the most wonderful thing a person can do to her/himself? It is to know oneself. It is to understand both her/his strength and weaknesses and not become arrogant or be bothered by it.
One must be proud of his/her strength because it means he/she is accepting God given talents but at the same time one must know his/her weaknesses without being daunted by it.
One also must know oneself without losing the ability to look at things objectively.
In my case, it would be nice to just "open up my mouth and start asking questions..and not jeopardize my self-esteem by taking a shortcut and simply faded into the the background.
At the end of the day, I just ended up mulling over it in my mind and started to pile up things as "the things I could have done". I am sure soon it will become a mountain high of regrets that will further damage my self-esteem. It is very self-destructive. I agree,this erroneous behaviour must be stopped before any further damage done.
I must learn to be more objective. It is how life supposed to be.. I am not a background. I can be the main person. I can be better. I can..!!!
For you and Me..God Blesses us!
Have a productive day ahead pals..:)
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