I have only been married for roughly a year and what I like the most for the time being is to read book as much as possible on marriage. Different authors with different styles of writing presented varies of ideas and what makes it more interesting is that every one of them gives you a new depth of understanding about marriage.
For example, from preconceived thinking that when you are married you are no longer two but one, I have explored the idea and understand the meaning much deeper after reading a book that you should become one team but you should not lost your own identity when you are married. You need to acquire your own way of being happy apart from being a wife to someone.
I have also understand that when you are married, you are still 100% responsible for your own spiritual life.
From this book, I am thankful I have managed to again gained a lot more meaningful insights about marriage.
This book is a compilation of two books written by different authors. The first one was written by Gary Chapman and the second one was by Jerry B.Jenkins. For today I am going to write down some of the interesting ideas I gained from Garry Chapman write up;-
1) When two people decided to get marry is not necessarily as a result of two people falling madly in love with each other and therefore must get married. It is because and the sole reason that must be the reason for the marriage is because it is the will of God. The story of how Abraham asked his servant to look for a wife for His son has been described in length in the scriptures and it was in that order of which neither Isaac nor Rebekah fall in love with each other first and yet when they become one "she became his wife, and he loved her.
2) Marital unity is not the kind of unity that eradicates personality. Rather, it is the kind of unity that frees you to express your own diversity, yet experience complete oneness with your mate.
3) Rather than blaming your spouse for the various problems in the marriage, ask for the Holy Spirit to reveal your own and ask forgiveness for your own wrongdoings.
4) Contrary to some popular physiological notions, all of our negative emotions do not need to be expressed. Some need to be starved. It is not hypocritical it is simply not feeding the negative feelings. If the negative feelings is not being fed by negative remarks it will help to alleviate it.
5)There are few ways of loving such as with words (compliment, speaking with kindness, to use entreaty rather than command, acceptance (allowing your mate expressing his/her ideas without being put down) ) and with deeds (patient, kind, courteous, unselfish (looks out for the best interest of the person loved)) and lastly by not demanding perfection from one's mate.
6) You must speak with kindness even when you have a negative feelings towards your spouse. Word spoken in anger and negative tone will never turn away wrath.
7) Communication does not come naturally. There are various levels. If you have difficulty verbalizing a problem or communicating your view or feelings, write it down. When you start to get angry, stop discussion and withdraw for a while until you are able to put your feelings under control. There is no point engaging in a conversation while you are angry.If you are not communicating because you do not want to hurt your spouse, examine your motive in the first place. Honesty does not compel us to express all these feelings. We must allow these feelings to go through the sieve of "edification." If they come out as bombs then, defuse them before it destroyed both of you. Genuine love moves out to stimulate growth even if it must be accompanied with pain.In the area where you lack self-confidence, you must think that you also have strengths and you have succeeded in many things and will continue to succeed in many more. Seek to be your best under God's direction. Do not worry about those things beyond your control. Just be your best.
8) Determine each other's role by basically following the Scriptures guidelines (1) the husband is the provider (2) the wife is the homemaker.
9)Allow the husband accept his responsibility as the head of the family in whatever circumstances it might be. The moment you allow him to withdraw from his responsibility he would never learn how to be one in his lifetime with you.
10)Share your ideas, by all means but use those ideas to come to the best decision. Not my ideas versus your ideas, but our ideas and our decision. "we feel, we think; we decided." This is the language of unity
11)Parents' suggestions should be given due consideration. They are older and perhaps wiser.
12) The "necessities" of life are relatively few. They can be met on your present income.
Cheers!
For example, from preconceived thinking that when you are married you are no longer two but one, I have explored the idea and understand the meaning much deeper after reading a book that you should become one team but you should not lost your own identity when you are married. You need to acquire your own way of being happy apart from being a wife to someone.
I have also understand that when you are married, you are still 100% responsible for your own spiritual life.
From this book, I am thankful I have managed to again gained a lot more meaningful insights about marriage.
This book is a compilation of two books written by different authors. The first one was written by Gary Chapman and the second one was by Jerry B.Jenkins. For today I am going to write down some of the interesting ideas I gained from Garry Chapman write up;-
1) When two people decided to get marry is not necessarily as a result of two people falling madly in love with each other and therefore must get married. It is because and the sole reason that must be the reason for the marriage is because it is the will of God. The story of how Abraham asked his servant to look for a wife for His son has been described in length in the scriptures and it was in that order of which neither Isaac nor Rebekah fall in love with each other first and yet when they become one "she became his wife, and he loved her.
2) Marital unity is not the kind of unity that eradicates personality. Rather, it is the kind of unity that frees you to express your own diversity, yet experience complete oneness with your mate.
3) Rather than blaming your spouse for the various problems in the marriage, ask for the Holy Spirit to reveal your own and ask forgiveness for your own wrongdoings.
4) Contrary to some popular physiological notions, all of our negative emotions do not need to be expressed. Some need to be starved. It is not hypocritical it is simply not feeding the negative feelings. If the negative feelings is not being fed by negative remarks it will help to alleviate it.
5)There are few ways of loving such as with words (compliment, speaking with kindness, to use entreaty rather than command, acceptance (allowing your mate expressing his/her ideas without being put down) ) and with deeds (patient, kind, courteous, unselfish (looks out for the best interest of the person loved)) and lastly by not demanding perfection from one's mate.
6) You must speak with kindness even when you have a negative feelings towards your spouse. Word spoken in anger and negative tone will never turn away wrath.
7) Communication does not come naturally. There are various levels. If you have difficulty verbalizing a problem or communicating your view or feelings, write it down. When you start to get angry, stop discussion and withdraw for a while until you are able to put your feelings under control. There is no point engaging in a conversation while you are angry.If you are not communicating because you do not want to hurt your spouse, examine your motive in the first place. Honesty does not compel us to express all these feelings. We must allow these feelings to go through the sieve of "edification." If they come out as bombs then, defuse them before it destroyed both of you. Genuine love moves out to stimulate growth even if it must be accompanied with pain.In the area where you lack self-confidence, you must think that you also have strengths and you have succeeded in many things and will continue to succeed in many more. Seek to be your best under God's direction. Do not worry about those things beyond your control. Just be your best.
8) Determine each other's role by basically following the Scriptures guidelines (1) the husband is the provider (2) the wife is the homemaker.
9)Allow the husband accept his responsibility as the head of the family in whatever circumstances it might be. The moment you allow him to withdraw from his responsibility he would never learn how to be one in his lifetime with you.
10)Share your ideas, by all means but use those ideas to come to the best decision. Not my ideas versus your ideas, but our ideas and our decision. "we feel, we think; we decided." This is the language of unity
11)Parents' suggestions should be given due consideration. They are older and perhaps wiser.
12) The "necessities" of life are relatively few. They can be met on your present income.
Cheers!
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