Addiction

The other day I asked my husband what he wanted to be when he was young. He said he wanted to become a **** ( I am sorry it was a private conversation). However, it dawned on me that whatever was in his thought before, that was exactly who I wished to be with in the past. And it came as a surprise because I just knew it. I thought I would surprise him more with mine but I was so surprised with his that I did not tell him mine.

I had a weird one. I used to be involved in a school theatre when I was in form 2 and it sparked my interest in this so called acting. And then again, when I was in the primary school I was very good in story telling. It felt good to become someone else and tell a story about something.

So I always thought about; how does it feel like to be an actress?? Must be fun right??? ^_^ I get to play various kind of characters and become someone else from one play to another *dreaming***. *-^. I really think its fun provided that I do have a talent and the whole package of becoming one. But...that was just... a wishful thinking that would remain as such.Nope. It won't happen. :P

This is the real deal. Lately I have been watching korean dramas alot. I think it has come to the point of addiction. After watching quite a few, I noticed how I developed an interest or perhaps crush in some of the actors during those viewing and then how difficult it was to build another interest in a different drama if the casts were different.

So what I do was, after reading the synopsis I just needed to convince myself that it was good enough to view and I would start to follow on the series. Only when I opened up my mind for a new change and be more attentive did I again develop an interest in the drama and the whole cast. Sad to say looks does count. ^_^ Unless of course the character was supposed to be dumb and ugly but please not the actor. It's too much. hmmm...see how picky people can be....^_^

I found one interesting thing tho". There was one similiarity between drama and real life. It was the process of developing an interest to someone. It takes time. It takes time to like an actor from one drama to another. Its the same in real life. It takes time to like someone after liking someone else. We can't really have so many people we can consider as we "like". it seems like we are apt to go for specialization when it comes to a person. If his life seems to be dramatic enough?? :P and interesting enough to match your criteria, than you are going to like him. The key were: SLOW progress and ATTENTION required.

In a drama, I figured if the story line was catchy enough (fun, entertaining, interesting) and the chemistry between the main actor and main actress was good, then I could survive to watch the drama until the end. But of course, along the line I would become curious enough to know the background of the actors and if the chemistry was so good I would wonder if they were real life couple..hehe...emm.

So it was like having a crush from one person to the next. hahah. Its funny because I never had that kind of feeling towards film stars. Only now when I watched more drama do I understand a little bit about how does it feel like to be a fan. I am positive now that I am going to be a strong follower of micky Yoochon and Lee Min ho.. huhu :P

Actually, I am quite worried about my new addiction. It turns me into coach potato. I stay home the whole day worrying only about my next 2 meal (lunch and dinner) and the laundry. But its a bit difficult to curb it at the moment since I don't have much plan in a day apart from going off to work.

Right now, I am enjoying this much. Its fun to explore new things just by watching dramas. You get new ideas and if you are observant enough you will get to know which are the stars worth to watch again in a play.

Its a newfound world.

By the way, I am glad I am not an actress. Its a blessing to have a quite life.

I am blessed indeed.

Regrets of the past.

Do you have any regrets in your life? I do. I don't have many but I do have a few. I know I regretted it because it keeps coming back in my dream and becomes almost like a nightmare. The unfulfilled wish or desire.

I Keep dreaming about going for an add math exam and meeting my grandmother. I did not fail my add math but I did not do well either. It keeps bugging me that if only I did not transfer school I would have a better result. It was because I simply could not catch up with the add math lessons when I transferred to another school.I really love maths. So, I regretted that part of my life. Not my whole life after transferring school, only the Math part. Apart from that, I am grateful to be there.

My grandmother was special. To me she was an angel. Being with her made me feel protected and shielded from all the worries in the world. She was one person I could run to when the chaos at home became unbearable. She was deaf. So most of the time  when I was there, we didn't spoke and I never complained. I only stayed by her side, spacing out a little and perhaps half - listened to all her stories, while brushing away the tears from my eyes which she never noticed. But her mere presence comforted me because she had a bright smile and a radiant face like a true living angel. I love her the most. When she passed away, I was not ready to let her go.I am not sure if I ever have. I lost something to keep me warm. A familiar face that always smile.

But then, regrets that always occur in a dream is a past that will never return. Right now, there is a regret that I am not really sure how to put  it into words. Although it won't change all the decision that I have made, it keeps me restless for one sole reason; its wrong. I feel that I have been wronged in a way that I wish could be changed and yet, I feel that I was wrong too. But most of all with all the things that coming through my head, I just want to let it go. Feel more at peace and let it be.

I really do not want to live with some regrets hanging in the air. Although things happened so it won't repeat itself again in the future still I wish I have a peace of mind.

Writing it down, making it public, telling people not to regret. Maybe that's not what I intend to do.

I just want to share a little of my burden so I  can move on with a peaceful mind.

I am just being selfish again. ^_^

arrgg...Thanks for the air. Thank God, I am able to write this down.

I am happy

& I am blessed indeed.

The Way to be Joyful

Its time for confession.

I have been in a situation whereby, the bad time seemed to be the worst time and a good time seemed to be a mere unprecedented occurrence.

That was how incapable I was in savoring a moment at its best. I had this impeccable imagination that things were much worst than what its already were and things were not good as how it looked like.

It is hard to be in someone else shoes but it is even harder and impossible to get into someone else mind. You would not have an idea of what running through someone's head. You would not understand why one feel differently from you in a same situation.

I never wish to feel at my worst.I just never know what and how to feel differently. I guess I did know why. It was because I was studying what happiness was from someone closest to me but I never once saw the flicker of joy in that eye. Its very disturbing and confusing to not know why was it so hard to feel "happy".

So things happened and I was clueless. In a way, it became some sort of purpose. To look for the mysterious meaning of happiness. So, when I did come across people who seemed to have the joy in the world, I question myself. Why are they not seem to be troubled at all? What makes them so happy? Why are they seem to be living in a different part of the world? Are they having a better situation at home? They don't have a sick parents? a nagging parents? They have brothers and sisters to share their heart with? They don't have to worry about the burden put on their shoulders ~ school exams, works, rules in everything? There is nobody trying to make fun of them because they don't wear nice clothes? They have never been rejected in a relationship because they are either too smart, too stupid, or not pretty enough?

While going through adulthood, I went through most of those things like most people do. But to me, there was never a perfect day. Even the day I got perfect result for my PMR, I just stood there clenching my fist crumpling the result slip, not having anything to feel. I wondered why I worked so hard for something which in the end, did not make me feel euphoric or something called "joy". Why?

There was a void in my heart.

Until one magnificent day when I found my saviour or should I say, when He found me. ^_^. Yup. Things changed. Not the situations but the way I feel. Complicated things has now become a simplified matters.

"joy" jumped out of my soul without reasons. My heart and my brain just stop to reason because its there.

And I started to smile more. Yup. Some friends used to say I wear a frown on my face. Never smile.

Hmm.. how true that a saviour can turn your world upside down.

Still, it was only the beginning. Encountering life difficulty from time to time still happened a lot but the love that I have received strengthened me from end to end.

Although I do not understand it I know how differently I feel now. I have become more human who are now able to feel happy. That makes a big difference.

It was not a man who made me feel that way. It was and it is my Lord and my Saviour, God.

The one thing that was missing in my life. The one thing that makes everything fall into place.

Worst time became a learning time and good time became an appreciation time.

I wonder if there was someone out there who have been in a similar situation like me?

I wonder if they knew the secret to be happy?

I wonder if they knew that the suffering was just in their mind and the cure was only by knowing their one true love.

I know you all have heard that a lot so I am just making my own statement here. Maybe one day I can just say "I told you so" which is better that someone pointing finger at me and said," why didn't you tell me?

In a normal situation I would have wanted to explain things further but there is something that cannot be explained when it comes to "faith", because its something that you have to believe and to receive first before understanding it. And when both happened, there will be no need for explanation.

But of course, still it all comes down to one person which is you. Believe and you will receive.

What is happiness?

The joy of living?

My other half said, as long as we are living in this world, there will be no such thing called "happiness". To be honest, I was dumbfounded hearing him said that. It sounded rather *puzzling.

An honest opinion of someone you dearly care about, sometimes make your whole idea of things like "happiness" come tumbling down. Its not that his statement is wrong per se it just that, what is that suppose to mean? I am curious.

Then, I started babbling about happiness as such and such like making beautiful moments to be good enough to remember in a bad day. But then, right then and there it struck me like a lightning bolt that..deep down inside I don't believe an ounce of what comes out from my own mouth and no..happiness shouldn't be described that way. hmmm..it should be something more..

So, how should I described it then? But..there are plenty of times that I am happy. Moments that I treasured. Even though,the happy moments come and go, but it still there hovering over my head just in time to comfort me when I needed it the most.

Then, I must be true somehow to describe it as "the beautiful moments that we make without actually realizing it which makes us happy from time to time". Something to remember that bring a smile upon our face. Puzzle solved?

Nah..I am not sure how to convince my husband that he shouldn't burden himself so much to think about happiness in an ultimatum way like forever being happy, because for sure there is something missing when there is no more sorrow day to come. Isn't sorrow a remarkable thing? It bring us down and yet when we are back on our own two feet , we became almost invincible. ^_^

But then, sometimes we are on our own to figure things out. Yup. I am done with that.

I am happy.

I hope my world is..

I have decided to write something today. My week has started quite awkwardly. I have been trying hard not to isolate myself but I am not sure why, I feel so..lost and alone. It is as if, something has been taken out of me. I feel so incomplete..empty..

When I started out this blog, the same feelings has once swept over me and that was the reason why I resorted to start something like this to remind me each and every day of my existence that I am blessed indeed.

No doubt I am a human indeed. I should swallow up my pride and confess earnestly that I am not feeling that good about me, myself and something about everything that I am going through everyday. Plus it with the fact that I am such an introvert who couldn't say what she wants to say and can only write with limitation.

Why is it that satisfaction comes very difficult when you believe it so well that its happening everyday?

Its not about going forward it seems, its more of how to struggle each day.

But then, just when I write this, I really feels like crying.

^_^

arrggh...the world and..the burden, the sorrow, the past, the uncertainty of future.

My goodness.. how did I become so pessimist.

Maybe just for one more time I should try to live and if i have to start over again and again every day, I would be fine and I would finally reach the end without a doubt that I have tried to live with all that I can, with all that I have. That I have tried to be someone who appreciated life to the end. Maybe..

How I Met My Destiny...

I have not been writing up in this blog for sometimes. For some reasons, I choose to focus on doing something else other than pouring out my heart and soul. Honestly, I am a bit messed up. I missed my husband so much so, It hurt so much not being able to do anything at the moment. My struggle, our struggle to be close to each other has not totally come true yet. We still have a long way to go.

The things that keep me strong are memories. Memories that remind me of all the beautiful moments I shared with him from the first day I met him till now.

I first saw him one day with a group of friends and couldn't help but noticing how fair and tall he was. But It was not really a love at the first sight. Quite frankly I didn't think of him twice right then.

He approached me during a youth group conference asking for my email and that how it all started. I watched how he sheepishly looking for a pen somewhere in his pockets but couldn't find one. It was rather amusing to watch him. My first impression then was, he looked like a father. ^_^. He exuded that kind of aura. A sense of security that made me feel peaceful just by standing next to him.

It didn't stop there. He emailed me asking a very simple question which related to the youth conference. We exchanged email after that and found out how "manly" he was in writing an email. He didn't even choose his word carefully. He simply throw whatever words he wanted to say which actually revealed to me that he really didn't know girl that much..hmm..^_^.

He gave me his house number in his hometown when the semester break came. I never really decided to call him up but what happened was when I got back home, I went through a very difficult time I really do not want to talk about it with anyone that knew me. Since I needed to breathe, I still need to talk , just talk about something with a stranger and that was the time I decided to call him. The strangest thing was, that was the first time I really talked to him and the oddest thing was, I felt like I have known him forever. I found my soulmate. I even wrote him an email saying " I have waited for you for 21 years" to which he made fun of. ^_^, which was really upsetting. haha ^_^ (I was 21 year old at that time)

Many years after that, we went through a lot of things together. When I was about to give up he was always there making it clear to me that he couldn't let go of me.

I remember just in the middle of deciding not to meet him anymore I came across a letter I wrote in 2004, Just after I graduated. I intended to send it to him way back then but it ended up stuck in my album.

It was everything about how I feel for him and how I saw our future together. I wrote there " I had a strong feeling that we will be together. It's like thinking to find a job even before you graduated because you know its bound to happen and its your destiny". It was a feeling then. I felt that it was my destiny.

It was then I realized how much I must have avoided my destiny. Yes..there is such thing called "Destiny".

When I gave him that letter later on 6 years after it was first written, It felt as if it was the right moment. The seal for our confused mind to end or to tie the knot. Destiny.

I made a promise to myself just after I made the vow. The vow was made to God, but certainly a promise I made it to myself. I promised I will no longer stray away from my destiny regardless of how winding the road to happiness is. In pain and in hurt, I still found that magic moment every time I see him.

So then, I just pray for the Lord to keep him safe and to lead him to have all the dreams he dreamed. Until then, I'll wait for the moment that would finally bring us together in one place. The place where I belong to. At the side of my husband.

Beseeching thee

I envy those people who seems to be born with "confidence".To me there is nothing more demeaning than having someone totally subdued you with their ultra confidence.They stride in pride, speak with clarity, and rise up to the occasion with no trouble at all. If only... ^_^

The reason why I speak of confidence is because of my own lacking in it. I feel lacking in a lot of things actually but one thing that is so much so robbed me of many opportunities is because of that.

The most horrible feeling you could have is when you look at yourself in front of the mirror and pity your own reflection. Just living with the thought that I let pass so many things because of fear really dismantled me and put me back in the box.It dwindled my self esteem to almost zero. What is so bad about it is the fact that.."I just couldn't do it"..:(

It leads me to a sole question of what life is all about. Is life about surviving or to look for that much sought after "vocation"?. Plenty of time I told myself probably the reason why I have no confidence in certain things is because its only a job and not my vocation. But then again,maybe it is just an excuse to make a quick exit.

Maybe I should summon up my courage and do what I need to do, beseeching Him to help me to do the things I cannot do.

I put my trust in You, my LORD.

Enjoying my job

There was no greater day than the day when you are productive. I could spend my time in a million ways but the best time well spent was when it was spent wisely. Today was such a day for me.

My whole day started by going for a blood sampling. A team from my lab and others cooperated in blood sampling of a group of about a thousand newly imported goats namely Boer cross. I have not been going out to the field for sometime and I have been waiting for such a day as today to at least, do the sweaty job. I love getting up "close and personal" with the animals. It gives me immense pleasure to be around them. ^-^

Our morning was disrupted with a little surprise visit from a big brown patterned butterfly. It perched on a shirt of one of the sweet beautiful girl. I was actually amazed oh how smart it picked a beautiful girl to perch on. It must be the sweet smell of her. *genius*.^_^,

After taking a few pictures of it, we released it back to the wild, letting it fly away and find it way to the world once again. Hopefully, this time it will manage to perch on real flowers and start on pollinating again. That's what butterflies do right? To make more beautiful flowers..^_^

Unfortunately I did not take my breakfast and of course I did not plan not to eat but it did make me a little bit dizzy and hungry. As a consequences,I kept on disturbing the officer in charge to quicken the coming of food ration.I hope he was not pissed off. I couldn't help it.It was almost midday and everyone was either starving or dehydrated from much used energy on goats handling and blood sampling. The guys although didn't complain, two of them decided to just drove off and bought a supply of drink for our team and honestly it made me feel at my worst.

At this point of time, I am always reminded by how incapable I am at certain things like providing and giving appropriate orders. And, no matter how much I try to put something on my head like "go on, be a lioness". I just couldn't do it. It was hard. I wonder what will become of me in the future if...?? :(..it spells like *l*****..
It nearly ruined my day. But, a weakness should not weigh us down right?..^_^

Needless to say, at the end of the activity I smelt like goats. ^_^ It ended well of course. Even though Our team lagged behind but other team pitched in and gave full cooperation to complete the whole thing.

By the time I arrived at the office, nothing much I can do about the smell. The coverall upon removal, still left my body as smelly as it was before stripping it off. ^_^. But, I still continue on with further discussion on Lab safety with a few colleagues in the lab. We have this goal to prepare a proper documentation on lab safety and hopefully, we will be able to wrap up everything nicely before presenting it to our big boss. ^_^

Done with the discussion, I worked my wits on plates reading. It took me exactly 30 minutes to read all of the microbiological plates and thus, ended my 8 hours job for the day.

That's how my working day went by for the day. The difference between today and some other less-productive day was, it was filled with job related activities other than delegating/finalizing cases and going for a meeting. Somehow, I liked it that way.

One of my friend used to say that "There is no other pleasure that can match a successful project handled by yourself. It gives you enormous satisfaction". That was her take which right then perplexed me but on her level, perhaps that was the meaning of satisfaction.

To me, satisfaction come quite as easy as a day goes by with full activities.

Middle of september: How I love thee

I went to visit my hubby in the middle of September, just when another historical day was marked when Malaysia Day was celebrated by the whole state of west and east Malaysia. As some of you may have come to know, currently we are in a long distance marriage. ^_^ It is hard. I won't lie about that fact. The negative side is, when we need a cuddle and an intimate conversation with our soul mate, they are not right there to give us the loving that we needed.

Nonetheless, I am a happily married woman and if anyone is going to dispute with me on how unreasonable it is to be away and still keep everything intact, I won't argue with you. It might not work with everyone.The reason why it works with us is because we have struggled long enough to survive the peaks and the valleys. So, why not? ^_^

By the way, my entry for the day is not about how to survive a long distance marriage (it might touch a bit tho"). This entry is about my recent visit to my husband homeland.

I have been having a difficult time to meet and to adapt with my new big family. My PR skill is out,and so far I don't think I have fared well. Honestly, I am still very much clueless on how to become a better half of my husband. I am trying hard tho" ^_^. I guess it is just part of the challenge of becoming a new member of a family.

My last visit was again my another attempt to be closer to them. Technically I survived the ordeal but I am not quite there yet. Hmmm..^_^. My mother tried to throw me some pointers but fuh...!!, Why does it feel like a "chore". ?? ;P. It must be my introverted personality traits?

To add to that issue, my lacrimal glands functioned quite abnormally or was it my hormone shooting up that that I got tears flowing like a river for no apparent reason at all? At first it flowed because my husband was called up to work on emergency term when it has been agreed upon that we are going to spend quality time together on our own. And then again it flowed because of some menial task I was being asked to do which I was not willing to do.*shaking head*

I felt pity for my husband who was trying to work hard and to entertain the wife at the same time. I know he could not do both but the thought of letting him work and leaving me spending time on my own after planning for quite a long time to be together with him was so unbearable.

Still the minute we were together, I forgot all my selfish desire to have him to myself. I guess that was the real reason why I love this man.

When we attended the wedding reception of his cousin, I could not help but staring at my own husband. It was hard to describe why I could not take my eyes off him. The same man I have dated for ten years before tying the knot. He still kept me strongly captive with his charms on me. Now, how romantic/silly that sounds? ^_^

To cut it short, my visit was still one of my best moments. Likewise even though I am facing a lot of troubles in pursuing this relationship earlier on and now that we are married, I still believe when love struck you, you become the servant of it for the rest of your life.

In conclusion, no time is a bad time when you have the one close to your heart. Regardless of the peaks and the valleys and what people said, it is you who knows the content of your own heart. What makes you leap in joy and bow down with sorrow, is your own business.

To Hell and Back by Rob Morgan

Dr.Maurice Rawlings, M.D., cardiologist and professor of medicine at the University of Tennessee College of Medicine in Chattanooga, was a devout atheist who considered all religion "hocus-pocus." To him, death was nothing more than a painless extinction.

But in 1977, Rawlings was resusicating a man who came back from the edge of death. The man was terrified and screaming. Rawling wrote: Each time he regained hearbeat and respiration, the patient screamed, "I am in hell!" He was terrified and pleaded with me to help him. I was scared to death...Then I noticed a genuinely alarmed look on his face. He had a terrified look worse than the expression seen in death! This patient had a grotesque grimace expressing sheer horror! His pupils were dilated, and he was preparing and trembling-he looked as if his hair was on end.

Dr.Rawlings shaken became intrigued with near death experience, and as he researched the subject, doing much of his study first-hand, he discovered something that has been omitted by much of the prevailing literature. There are many stories of near-death experiences in which people report moving down a peaceful tunnel toward a gentle light, but Dr. Rawlings' research, which later appeared in Omni Magazine, demonstrated that about fifty percent near-death victims report seeing lake of fire, devil-like figures and other sights reflecting the darkness of hell.

"Just listening to these patients has changed my whole life," claims Dr.Rawlings. "There is a life after death, and if I don't know where I'm going, it's not safe to die."

Through these experiences, Dr.Rawlings began studying what the Bible had to say about hell and other subjects and he became a Christians.

The realities of heaven and hell are closer than we think, and the Bible minces no words. "prepare to meet your God" (Amos 4:12). But Jesus - God made flesh-died and rose from the grave to rob death of its sting and to deny hell its victims. "This," he said in John 17:3, "is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent."

*************

Yup..heaven and hell exist. ^_^, I really wanna go to a better place when I die. What is all about the hard work I put here on earth if its amount to nothing when I die?.

The art of Forgiving Yourself by Rob Morgan

In his book, Healing for damaged emotions, David Seamands writes about a young minister who once came to see him. He was having a lot of problems getting along with other people, especially his wife and family.

Seamands recalls: "I had already talked privately with his wife; she was a fine person-attractive, warm, affectionate, loving - and totally supported him in his ministry. But he was continually criticizing her, scapegoating her. Everything she did was wrong. He was sarcastic and demanding, and withdrew from her advances, rejecting her love and affection. Slowly but surely it began to dawn on him: he was destroying their marriage.

"Then he realized that in his weekend pastorate he was hurting people through sermons which were excessively harsh and judgemental...

"Finally, in his desperation, he came to see me. At the beginning of our interview, he met trouble like real man: he blamed it on his wife! But after a while, when he became honest, the painful root of the matter came to light."

The young minister finally admitted that while serving in the armed forces in Korea, he had spent two weeks of rest and relaxation in Japan. During that leave, walking the streets of Tokyo, feeling empty, lonely, and terribly homesick, he fell into temptation and went three or four times to a prostitute.

He had never been able to forgive himself. He had sought God's forgiveness and, with his head, believed he had it. But the guilt plagued him and he hated himself. Every time he looked in the mirror, he couldn't stand what he was seeing. He had never shared this with anyone, and the burden was becoming intolerable.

When he returned home to marry his fiancee, who had faithfully waited for him all those years, his emotional conflicts increased because he still could not accept complete forgiveness. He couldn't forgive himself and to her; so he couldn't accept her freely offered affection and love. He felt he had no right to be happy, his emotions, and his relationships with other people.

"How beautiful it was to see him receive full, free forgiveness from God," Seamands wrote, "then from his wife, and perhaps best of all, from himself,"

********
Very often we feel we don't deserve the love and affection of others because of our past. Its the guilty feeling that robbed us of our joy in loving others unconditionally.

We should learn to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we did. It was a "past". Nobody is perfect. :)

Home Sweet Home (II)

The months of August and September are holiday seasons and is a family time. Thanks to Merdeka Day and Hari Raya Celebration. This second consecutive holiday, I managed to bring home a new set of curtains for the house. As I mentioned before, it was a challenge to look for the best color for the curtains considering the different paint colors of the wall. Nevertheless, I did find the color that I liked. But my father quipped why I bought the curtains in different colors. ^_^. My mom just laughed and said “You know, she is trying to match it with the paint colors”. I have not heard her laughed out that loud in a long time. She must be very amused although she did not quite agree with the length of the curtains. My father being nonchalant did not say a word. I guess he did love the curtains colors. ^_^ *Arrr.. I must give credit to my office mate for telling me which store to go and allowing me to go out early to beat the traffic jam. It is much appreciated.*

My husband came along this time so it was a double happiness to me. Having him there made me more concerned about preparing the meal and being the good wife. ^_^. I don’t do a lot of house chores when I was on holiday, always sit around and let mom handle it. Bad daughter ya.. ^_^. But, this time, I tried to be less selfish and less lazy. I tried to prepare a full set of meal for the whole family while setting aside a menu according to his taste. I figured his taste buds must have not fully ready yet for my side of family regular whole set of meal. Fortunately, looking at how they all gobbled up the food, I must have succeeded my goal. ^_^. That’s to me a mission accomplished. (My father did not complain..he is my best critic)

All of my brothers except my third brother were present this time. Even my forth brother went back all the way from KL and he brought back an external hard disk which he sold to me for a mere RM80 when the actual price was RM189. That was a blessing. ^_^. It made me wants to say “ It is good to have brothers”. The more you have the more blessings you get. Not to mention the movies that was already uploaded in the HDD. It was a perfect “gift”. What more can I ask?..^_^

We did have fun gathering up to share shocking stories like *how so and so get drunk, involved in a car accident which cost his leg. It was amputated from the ankle down and now he finds it hard to find a job * A story to learn from and; just laughed at a few fun one like *how so and so divorced her husband to be with her ex-bf whom reputed to have RM5k salary but apparently conned her. She regretted and now wanted to go back to her husband* A tragic story actually but the laughable part was when my bro said “ she should have realized that, if a man did have RM5k salary, he must be a married man” ^_^.

As I watched the kids, I mean my nephews I worried and I got angry at times but I grew up with boys so it was not that hard to handle the kind of emotional ride I was in. I only need to be a little short-tempered *kidding* and knew how to make a few quick point blank remarks which sometimes must be a little “wise”. But then, actually what was actually playing on my mind during those times were whether or not they were enjoying their time. *were they?* I felt I had a luckier childhood when it comes to adventure and playing all sorts of games compared to them. And then again, maybe we were being too concerned about their safety that we did not allow them to be kids and play all day long the way they wanted to. Maybe we should give them more room to explore things themselves and let them have all the fun, getting hurt and all. I don’t know. ^_^ I guess I’ll get more into that when I have my own kids. It is going to be a tough decision to make. Who knows ^_^

In short, my holiday ended well. Few moments that I treasured included not only what I said above but little things like; My precious time with hubby surveying my father’s oil palm which he said can be a “model farm” and the dream we shared while walking hand in hand along the thorny roads ; My hubby act of kindness to wash and clean the car which I really appreciated and; My mom help with the meal preparation aka frying the chicken wings while I cooked the rest of the meal which also means a lot to me because frying needs a lot of patience which tend to run out very fast when you are hungry. ( I just sort of revealed to you how lazy I can be ya..^_^)

Again, What would I be without the love and the care of my family. Thank you Lord for this blessing.

I am blessed indeed.

^_^

Walking by Rob Morgan

In her biography of Marie Antoinette, Carolly Erickson tells about the queen's attempts to disguise herself and attend parties, dances, and balls incognito, but her walk gave her away. "When she walked, she strode like a man. Her swift, purposeful gait was her trademark. It was said that she could never successfully disguise her identity at masked balls, for no matter how she dressed, she still walked like an Empress."

F.W Boreham reminds us of a story from the life of Francis of Asisi. "Brother," Francis said one day to one of the young monks at the Portiuncula, "Let us go down to the town and preach!"

The novice, delighted at being singled out to be the companion of Francis, obeyed with alacrity. They passed through the principal streets; turned down many of the by-ways and alleys; made their way out to some of the suburbs and at length returned, by a circuitous route, to the monastery gate. As they approached it, the younger men reminded Francis of his original intention.

"You have forgotten, Father, that we went down to the town to preach!"
"My son," Francis replied, "We have preached. We were preaching while we were walking. We have been seen by many; our behaviour has been closely watched; it was thus that we preached our morning sermon. It is of no use, my son, to walk anywhere to preach unless we preach everywhere we
walk."

*********
Ever had an experience of being asked out to preach outside? ^_^ I am blessed by this story. Its remarkable. It shows how you should walk the talk simply by "walking" the talk. ^_^

The room by joshua Harris

In that room between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files.

They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their contents. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file names "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed."

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird: "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I Have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed At." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled at My Brothers." "Things I Have Done in Anger," "Things I Have Muttered under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes there were fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my twenty years to write each of these thousands, possibly millions, of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed contents. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

Suddenly I felt an almost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them! In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel with." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of his room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No please, not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands, and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

***********
I have heard this testimonial a long time ago but reading it from the author who actually experienced it is another thing. It makes you feel closer to the scene. Of course, it makes you reflect on your own life. What could have been recorded that even us have totally forgotten about and how wonderful it is to be reminded that we are saved by His grace.

As Joshua Harris put it, "We each have a "room" containing all our sinful deeds and thoughts. But just because we admit this or feel bad about it doesn't mean we're forgiven. Remorse can't save anyone. Only faith in Christ. Only trust in His death and resurrection for us.

The power of a Courteous husband by Rob Morgan

Jay Kesler was once working at a Youth For Christ Camp in Ohio when a young woman approached him. They sat down in the front row of the chapel, and through many tears she told him her heartbreaking story. She had been molested by her own father about three times a week since she was four years old. She'd never told anyone about this, but had carried a great sense of secret shame. As they talked, Kesler noticed that both her wrists were scarred, and she admitted that she had tried to kill herself.

"Why didn't you do it?" Jay asked.

"Well," She replied, "I got to thinking...we have a youth pastor at our church.."

At that point in conversation, Kesler groaned within himself, thinking he was going to hear an ugly story about her getting involved with some youth pastor. But that wasn't it at all. She said, "He'd just gotten married before he came to our church, and I've been watching him. When he's standing in line in church behind his wife, he squeezes her right in church. They look at each other, and they hug each other right in church. One day I was standing in the pastor's study, looking out the window, and the youth pastor walked his wife out into the parking lot. Now there was only one car in the parking lot; nobody was around; nobody was looking. And that guy walked all the way around the car and opened the door and let her in..."

Kesler thought to himself, "This is a nice story, but what's the point?"

But she continued: "Well, I just got to thinking that all men must not be like my dad, huh?"

"You're right," said Jay. "All men are not like your father."

"Jay, do you suppose our youth pastor's a Christian?"

"Yes, I think he probably is."

"Well, that's why I came tonight. I want to be a Christian too."

***********************

It's a lovely story isn't it? ^_^, It's nice to know how a simple act of love can change someone's life forever. Must bear that in mind. Must be careful with our ways of treating our spouse. Let it be a blessing to others.

No Other Way by Rob Morgan

Civil war erupted in the Congo (Zaire) in the 1960s, and among the missionaries caught in the crossfire was a small sunbeam named William McChesney with Worldwide Evangelization Crusade (now WEC International). Though only five-foot-two, one hundred and ten pounds, Bill had an outsized personality that radiated cheer wherever he went. His co-workers dubbed him "Smiling Bill."

On November 14, 1964, suffering from Malaria, Bill, twenty-eight, was seized by Congolese rebels. Despite ill treatment, violent sickness, and constant threats of death, his cheerful attitude didn't abandon him during captivity. A catholic Nun who saw him during that time said, "That man has the face of an angel." Others said he seemed "utterly other-worldly." He sought every opportunity to witness to his captors.

Shortly afterward he was beaten mercilessly, his clothing ripped off, and he was thrown into a filthy, crowded cell which he shared with British missionary Jim Rodger. Catholic priests gave him their garments, for he was shaking violently from malarial fever.

The next day, November 25, Bill and Jim were dragged from their cell and forced to stand before a rebel colonel. At his command, the rebels fell on Jim and Bill with clubs and spears. Bill's death was almost instantaneous and Jim caught his body as it fell to the ground. The rebels then trampled Jim to death, and their bodies were thrown into the Wamba River.

Before leaving for Africa, Bill had written a poem explaining his desire for overseas missions.

I want my breakfast served at eight,
With ham and eggs upon the plate;
A well-broiled steak I'll eat at one,
And dine again when day is done.

I want an ultramodern home
And in each room a telephone;
Soft carpets too, upon the floors,
And pretty drapes to grace the doors.

A cozy place of lovely things,
Like easy chairs with inner springs,
And then I'll get a small TV-
Of course, "I'm careful what I see."

I want my wardrobe, too, to be
Of neatest, finest quality,
With latest style in suit and vest:
Why should not Christians have the best?

But then the Master I can hear
In no uncertain voice, so clear:
"I bid you come and follow Me,
The lowly Man of Galilee."

If he be God, and died for me,
No sacrifice too great can be
For me, a mortal man, to make;
I'll do it all for Jesus's sake.

Yes, I will tread the path He trod,
No other way to please my God;
So, henceforth, this my choice shall be,
My choice for all eternity.

**********

I was moved by this story. It really gets me into thinking. What sacrificed have I made, and what comfort have I traded just for the sake of his name? Have I done anything at all? Have I?

Home Sweet Home

The thing about going back home is, you are back to the people who genuinely cares for you. That alone is enough as a reason to state why balik kampung is my best moment.

I am just back from Kampung. I wanted to stay longer but duty calls and I don't have a choice but to go back to work although the next day would again be another holiday.

At kampung, the children were playing truant, had an experimental time enjoying firecrackers and Nonel being the little baby was adored by everyone. The smiles never left anyone. It seemed like a ton of burden just being lifted up from everyone's shoulders.

My mother was the busiest. My father looked much older but still as strong as he was. I wonder how gray or white his hair would be if only he allow it to grow, but being him, bald is always the option.

And..the fun part that really made my day was my father's choice on the exterior wall paint colour (purple + green + pink) ^_^. To be honest I thought it ruined the entire beauty of the house building but amazingly it did not ticked me off. In fact, I laughed until my stomach hurt, to the astonishment of my mother who forbid me from complaining it to my beloved father.It did not help that the paint colour of the interior was as bizarre as the outside which left me confused on what could be the best curtains colour to drape the windows in order to at least balance the outrageous wall's paint. ah...its a challenge.. I should smile..^_^

Being born in a very challenging environment, multi talented and opinionated parents and siblings made my kind of life not only full of challenge but made it more colourful. I could not asked for a better family to grow in character. The hardest place I ever been and yet the place I can always call home.

I am blessed indeed.

The magic thread by William J.Bennet

Peter is a boy who is strong and able, yet sadly flawed by an attitude of impatience. Always dissatisfied by his present condition, Peter spends his life day-dreaming about the future.

One day while wandering in the forest, Peter meets a strange old woman who gives him a most tantalizing opportunity - the chance to skip the dull, mundane moments of life. She hands peter a silver ball from which a tiny fold thread. "This is your life thread". She explains. "Do not touch it and time will pass normally. But if you wish time to pass more quickly, you have only to pull the thread a little way and an hour will pass like a second. But I warn, you, once the thread has been pulled out, it cannot be pushed back again."

The magical thread seems the answer to all of Peter's problems. It is just what he has always wanted. He takes the ball and runs home.

The following day in school Peter has his first opportunity to put the silver ball to use. The lesson is dragging, and the teacher scolds Peter for not concentrating. Peter fingers the silver ball and gives the thread a slight tug. Suddenly the teacher dismisses the class, and Peter is free to leave school. He is overjoyed! How easy his life will now be. From this moment, Peter begins to pull the thread a little everyday.

But soon Peter begins to use the magic thread to rush through larger portions of life. Why waste time pulling the thread just a little every day when he can pull it hard and complete school altogether? He does so and finds himself out of school and apprenticed in a trade. Peter uses the same technique to rush through his engagement to his sweetheart. He cannot bear to wait months to marry her, so he uses the gold thread to hasten the arrival of his wedding day.

Peter continues this pattern throughout his life. When hard, trying times come, he escapes them with his magic thread. When the baby cries at night, when he faces financial struggles, when he wishes his own children to be launched in careers of their own, Peter pulls the magic thread and bypasses the discomfort of the moment.

But sadly, when he comes to the end of his life. Peter realizes he emptiness of such an existence. By following impatience and discontentment to rule him, Peter has robbed himself of life's richest moments and memories. With only the grave to look forward to, he deeply regrets ever having used the magic thread

"

Too often, people want what they want (or what they think they want, which is usually "happiness" in one form or another) right now. The irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by a willingness to accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile

."

The proper Care & Feeding of husbands by Dr.Laura Schlessinget

About this book

Generally the content of the book is about Dr.Laura suggestions to the wives on how to maintain a healthy, balanced and fulfilling relationship with their husbands by giving them the proper care and feeding.

In my opinion, while the book presented various real life situation, it does not emphasized much on each topic that she was supposed to talk about. The content barely scratch the surface. Nonetheless it reached its goal to bash the women for becoming too independent until they become selfish and thus could not care less about the husbands need.

In every pages it feels like the author offer the same principles which are to not nag your man,to appreciate them more, to give him his own space with his friends and to be grateful and to be contented for what he is.

Let me just list down a few of the notions that I get from reading this book. Please note that this book maybe helpful to some and especially helpful if you are someone who loves to be in control and loves nagging your husband, or always demanding an equality in everything.

1. The common need of men are food, love and sex. Don't neglect any.

2. Men are simple creatures. They talk less (although I have met some who talk more, so its a generalization by the author) and do more. They don't beat around the bush like women do.

2. Appreciate the inherit attributes of each gender. Woman has the attribute to nurture whereas the man has the attribute to "slay the dragons".

3. If a woman decided to stay as a homemaker, then do the house chores, care and nurture the children, teach the children the right value but when its time for the husband to go home, make yourself presentable enough for him to see the moment he walks in the door. Give him a BIG HUG and a kiss! ^_____^ . Don't complain, sulk or pout or make excuses to not become intimate because you think your life is colorless compared to him. You and your husband share the same weight on your shoulders. It's only fair to enjoy each other after a long hard work on each day.

4. Woman should not be blindly submissive to the husband in case he is the sort of a criminal type who really are oppressive and a bully. We are only to submit to a man who is equally loving to us.^_^

5. Give him your best loving and care and you will no longer have to beg for your husband attention nor to nag them inappropriately.

6. He do loves making his wife happy so don't burden him with complaint you don't want him to solve. It only leaves him confused. Please forget about the so called woman neediness to make a man listen to everything just for the sake of making him understand it. It might not help.

So, is that helpful? Honestly I took a deep breath after reading the book. It felt as if, my mom just had finished nagging me. ^_^

Good luck wifey and wifey to be. May we please our husband more so he may rejoice and be blessed because of us. ^_^

Let me leave you with a joke shared in the book

******************************

" A new Perfect Husband Shopping Center opened where a woman could go to choose from among many men to find the perfect husband. It was laid out on five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended the floors. They must choose a man from that floor, and if you go up a floor, you can't go back down except to leave the store. So, a couple of girlfriends go to the store to find a man to marry.

The first floor signs reads: "These men have high-paying jobs and love kids.' The women read the sign and say, 'Well, that's wonderful...but', and wonder what's on the next floor.

The second floor sign reads: 'These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.''Hmmm', say the girls. 'Wonder what's further up?'

The third floor sign reads: 'These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and will help with housework.' 'Wow!' say the women. 'Very tempting...but there's more further up!'

The fourth floor sign reads: 'These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, will help with the housework, and are great in bed.' 'Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further up?!' Say the women.

So, up to the fifth floor sign reads: 'This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please.'"

^__________^ r we?, men are the same aren't they? :P

7 Habits of highly effective people by Stephen R.Covey

Before I start with my full review, let me include an excerpt that I found most thought-provoking in this book.In fact, the author actually captured it from an often quoted fable called "The Animal school" by R.H.Reeves:

Once upon a time, the animals decided they must do something heroic to meet the problems of a "New World", so they organized a school. They adopted an activity curriculum consisting of running, climbing, swimming and flying. To make it easier to administer, all animals took all the subjects.

The duck was excellent in swimming, better in fact than his instructor, and made excellent grades in flying, but he was very poor in running. Since he was low in running he had to stay after school and also drop swimming to practice running. This was kept up until his web feet were badly worn and he was only average in swimming. But average was acceptable in school, so nobody worried about that except the duck.

The rabbit started at the top of the class in running, but had a nervous breakdown because of so much makeup in swimming.

The squirrel was excellent in climbing until he developed frustrations in flying class where his teacher made him start from the ground up instead of from tree-top down. He also developed Charley horses from over-exertion and he got a C in climbing and a D in running.

The eagle was a problem child and had to be disciplined severely. In climbing class he beat all the others to the top of the tree, but insisted on using his own way to getting there.

At the end of the year, an abnormal eel that could swim exceedingly well and also could run, climb and fly a little had the highest average and was a valedictorian.

The prairie dogs stayed out of school and fought the tax levy because administration would not add digging and burrowing to the curriculum. They apprenticed their children to the badger and later joined the groundhogs and gophers to start a successful private school.

Now give me sometimes to make a commentary on the above subject. The excerpt actually fall under the title of "valuing the differences". I agree on that but I also have something else on my mind.

My first opinion

The first one is, it tells me that rather than keep on harnessing your skill on something else that you can only become average at or probably going to flop at, why not excel and keep on harnessing the skill that you have already been gifted with.

My second opinion

The second one is, if you are determined enough to do something, you could become average but no one would worry about it except you. so, do it anyway.

So what's in for me

With that realization, my own struggle with learning and honing skills come to mind.I am trying to be a well-rounded person (if it does exist)but I might be losing my energy on trying to be good at things that I am not. So, I think I should try to write more since it is what I love to do the most. I might not be good at it yet, but who is going to complain anyway? and another take is who knows If I continue on writing I am going to excel at it in the end. ^_^

************************

About my review

I have touched on the most interesting part that I found on the book. So now let me get on with my first intention which is to make a short review about the book.

What I have found interesting

1. The book was very comprehensive and I can't possibly quote everything that I like because all the contents are interesting, helpful and inspiring. No wonder it was a best-selling book.

2. If you are looking for a book to start on getting serious with your life, if let say its becoming less interesting, this book will give all the finest detail to be a better person.

3. There is one thing the author emphasized about that grasped my attention. He emphasized about the way we looked at things depended mostly on our experiences because we tend to draw whatever knowledge that has been deposited in our mind through our unique and vast experiences. So, that is why it is not fair to say someone else is wrong and we are right.

4. Of course, like I said what I found most interesting was the part where we need to value the differences of other people who can be good at different things and think in a different way.

So what's next

Its a matter of applying what has been read, especially of the thing that I found most helpful to me. So that is why I am going to write more.. ^_^

Book review :The year of living biblically: One man humble quest to follow the bible as literally as possible by A.J. Jacobs

Since I've been reading a lot of books I feel it is only fair for me to write a short review of those that inspired me. I will start with this book.

What I have found inspiring:-

1. Honestly I never read the bible from back to back so of course one thing I like the most is the fact that the writer actually took all the efforts to read as many bible as possible to see the difference of each translation.

2. I would also give him credit for his magnificent effort in looking for counselors from various churches. It means he was not being one sided.

3. The fact that he was taking the bible as literally as possible actually baffled me and at the beginning I condoned the idea but towards the middle of it I found myself criticizing his undertakings. However at the end I was quite impressed of what actually transpired throughout his quest.

4. I gained a perspective of religion from the agnostic point of view and to me that was equal to flying out to the airspace, a place where I have heard of but could never really associate myself with.

So what's next

As you know, the reason why we read a book is to add on our knowledge and by all means try to be a better person to make a good impact in this world. Having said that, I've decided to follow his step to finish reading the bible. It just seems so foolish not to finish reading it. One man have made it, or maybe it is just me who has not make the time to read it back to back...^_^

TIME TO CHANGE!

A moment to reflect

I am ten years old, living half of my life and still do not know whether my skin is black with white stripes or white with black stripes ~ Marty, Madagascar

Hi all. How you all have been for the past few weeks? I? :)
I am not sure what to tell you. I think I should start with saying, I had a wonderful and catastrophic week. You wonder what that means?

I went for an outstation for one and a half day traveling plus one and a half day workshop. It was a last minute notice so of course I complained a lot, like normal people do. Luckily I was not on my own. A friend of mine came along with me to attend the course and it happened that it was her first traveling experience. I like that. It gave me some kind of authority to protect and show her the way..:P, just kidding. Actually I am glad, someone was there to accompany me. Traveling can be a lot of hassle and having her there at least distracted me from thinking about how I disliked all those teeny weeny things like queuing and waiting plus you have got to know, she has got this brightest and beautiful smile ever.. :)

So on the first day alone guess what, I lost my precious wedding ring *somewhere*..and....we almost missed our connecting flight to Kuantan because I was not listening to the announcement and was busy running from one public toilet to another to search for my precious ring...phew..I really was not thinking straight..luckily we did not miss the flight after like running a hundred metres sprint. We were the last people boarding the plane. No, I did not find my ring. :( * sad

Then..on the second day, tada...I nearly lost my handphone (my life) and my jacket (my life - I can't stand cold,) too. Yup. I am very absentminded/forgetful. I could be one of those many people who can remember number just by glancing it but lost things without even the slightest idea how it slipped out of my mind and my fingers.

The wonderful things were (a lot of wonderful things), I found out, that the driver who made the u-turn like three times to fetch my things that I left somewhere, was a very-very patient person. It made me wonder, if his wife was more or less like me..hee :D.. And a friend who was attending the same course and happened to be on the same plane with us (me and leha) told me something that made me write this story. He said, " you better alert a friend you are traveling with that you are absentminded so they would know how to check on your things before leaving". Thanks Joesip. Yup. These people made me unearthed my few (of many) related stories of not only how I lost my several precious things but also how I get lost, how I nearly burn down the gas station *(exaggeration)...and....well..

Owh..not to forget, I must thank the weird traffic light in kuantan. It has got a *u-turn* instead of the round/circle lights on. It tempted me to look for my hp to take picture of it, and that's when I realized Its not with me. ^_^

I was sad indeed but then again, that's me. I eased myself at the airport and on the plane by reading a book. The book was written so beautifully it made me laugh and it made me cry. I can't believe it moved me so deeply, I was so totally immersed in it and could not really shake it off ( the story being told) my mind even after I arrived safely at home.

Why? The story itself. He mentioned something about reading the newspaper about all the kidnapping, murder, burglary but he wrote it in such a lighthearted manner he actually made fun of reading those stuff. Which was true. All we ever read everyday were about those bad things. So where are the good things? Hidden somewhere?

Because of that, I decided not to tell a bad story. I did have fun. I made peace with myself about the ring. I won't buy or let him buy a new one. Who knows where I might lost it again next time around. I am married. I don't need a ring to remind me of what I am.

So now you know why I hate traveling.

Peace
^_^

Gratitude

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life
it turns what we have into enough and more
It turns denials into acceptance
chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast,
a house into a home, a stranger into a friend
~ Melody Beattie

I once was in a deep conversation with a colleague of mine about our struggles. I think that was during the time when I was very much concern about getting married. I was nervous about being a part of someone else life. I was scared about getting married and being away from him at the same time. Needless to say, I was worrying so much.

This friend of mine didn't have a problem like the one I was facing but she encouraged me to never cease praying. In particular she asked me not to complain and to ask for what I want but to be thankful to God for whatever it is happening in my life. She said she had have a marital problem before and for so many years she asked God why all those terrible things happening to her marriage when She had done what she thought was good in His eyes. Her prayers were always the same but her situation never change until one day she stopped complaining to GOD, decided to let go the heavy burden off her shoulder and started thanking Him for everything. Then, everything changed.

Sometimes, it is not by asking God that we will receive all the things that we needed, it is by thanking him. He always provide.

Just be more grateful.

I am blessed indeed.

:)

Dream away and keep counting on your blessings

How about not writing anything ? I am in the mood of writing which is not equal to not having anything else to do. :) To which reminds me of something. Have you watched Shrek, the final chapter? It was not bad but let me share you the first part that I liked the most.

I liked the part where everyday life becomes a routine to Shrek that he actually wished he never rescued Fiona. :) That's when disaster strikes and he lost everything and regretted every single thing he wished for.

Of course the story ended well but...yes..that's probably speak about every one else or speak about me. When life seems to get a little bit routine we wished for many more things. More challenge, more of this and more of that.I personally feel that I am lost somewhere in trying to get so many other things or hoping to get more than i should have. what's the word "Not yet there.."? but for how long do we actually keep on saying that? I guess until the day we leave this planet earth.

I don't think there is anything wrong to that.There is nothing wrong in wanting more or becoming more successful if you mean well. But don't let it be the sole reason you live for. kan? I am telling myself bah tu.

Sometime it is not the dream or the will that is lacking. I really think, the opportunity has not come knocking on our door yet..:) Really, if you have one and you know how to go for it, go go go...
Me? I am on my way just behind you.. :)

But for now, I am counting my blessings..... I just had a "laugh" with a bunch of friends.." and that was something..:)