The Way to be Joyful

Its time for confession.

I have been in a situation whereby, the bad time seemed to be the worst time and a good time seemed to be a mere unprecedented occurrence.

That was how incapable I was in savoring a moment at its best. I had this impeccable imagination that things were much worst than what its already were and things were not good as how it looked like.

It is hard to be in someone else shoes but it is even harder and impossible to get into someone else mind. You would not have an idea of what running through someone's head. You would not understand why one feel differently from you in a same situation.

I never wish to feel at my worst.I just never know what and how to feel differently. I guess I did know why. It was because I was studying what happiness was from someone closest to me but I never once saw the flicker of joy in that eye. Its very disturbing and confusing to not know why was it so hard to feel "happy".

So things happened and I was clueless. In a way, it became some sort of purpose. To look for the mysterious meaning of happiness. So, when I did come across people who seemed to have the joy in the world, I question myself. Why are they not seem to be troubled at all? What makes them so happy? Why are they seem to be living in a different part of the world? Are they having a better situation at home? They don't have a sick parents? a nagging parents? They have brothers and sisters to share their heart with? They don't have to worry about the burden put on their shoulders ~ school exams, works, rules in everything? There is nobody trying to make fun of them because they don't wear nice clothes? They have never been rejected in a relationship because they are either too smart, too stupid, or not pretty enough?

While going through adulthood, I went through most of those things like most people do. But to me, there was never a perfect day. Even the day I got perfect result for my PMR, I just stood there clenching my fist crumpling the result slip, not having anything to feel. I wondered why I worked so hard for something which in the end, did not make me feel euphoric or something called "joy". Why?

There was a void in my heart.

Until one magnificent day when I found my saviour or should I say, when He found me. ^_^. Yup. Things changed. Not the situations but the way I feel. Complicated things has now become a simplified matters.

"joy" jumped out of my soul without reasons. My heart and my brain just stop to reason because its there.

And I started to smile more. Yup. Some friends used to say I wear a frown on my face. Never smile.

Hmm.. how true that a saviour can turn your world upside down.

Still, it was only the beginning. Encountering life difficulty from time to time still happened a lot but the love that I have received strengthened me from end to end.

Although I do not understand it I know how differently I feel now. I have become more human who are now able to feel happy. That makes a big difference.

It was not a man who made me feel that way. It was and it is my Lord and my Saviour, God.

The one thing that was missing in my life. The one thing that makes everything fall into place.

Worst time became a learning time and good time became an appreciation time.

I wonder if there was someone out there who have been in a similar situation like me?

I wonder if they knew the secret to be happy?

I wonder if they knew that the suffering was just in their mind and the cure was only by knowing their one true love.

I know you all have heard that a lot so I am just making my own statement here. Maybe one day I can just say "I told you so" which is better that someone pointing finger at me and said," why didn't you tell me?

In a normal situation I would have wanted to explain things further but there is something that cannot be explained when it comes to "faith", because its something that you have to believe and to receive first before understanding it. And when both happened, there will be no need for explanation.

But of course, still it all comes down to one person which is you. Believe and you will receive.