Regrets of the past.

Do you have any regrets in your life? I do. I don't have many but I do have a few. I know I regretted it because it keeps coming back in my dream and becomes almost like a nightmare. The unfulfilled wish or desire.

I Keep dreaming about going for an add math exam and meeting my grandmother. I did not fail my add math but I did not do well either. It keeps bugging me that if only I did not transfer school I would have a better result. It was because I simply could not catch up with the add math lessons when I transferred to another school.I really love maths. So, I regretted that part of my life. Not my whole life after transferring school, only the Math part. Apart from that, I am grateful to be there.

My grandmother was special. To me she was an angel. Being with her made me feel protected and shielded from all the worries in the world. She was one person I could run to when the chaos at home became unbearable. She was deaf. So most of the time  when I was there, we didn't spoke and I never complained. I only stayed by her side, spacing out a little and perhaps half - listened to all her stories, while brushing away the tears from my eyes which she never noticed. But her mere presence comforted me because she had a bright smile and a radiant face like a true living angel. I love her the most. When she passed away, I was not ready to let her go.I am not sure if I ever have. I lost something to keep me warm. A familiar face that always smile.

But then, regrets that always occur in a dream is a past that will never return. Right now, there is a regret that I am not really sure how to put  it into words. Although it won't change all the decision that I have made, it keeps me restless for one sole reason; its wrong. I feel that I have been wronged in a way that I wish could be changed and yet, I feel that I was wrong too. But most of all with all the things that coming through my head, I just want to let it go. Feel more at peace and let it be.

I really do not want to live with some regrets hanging in the air. Although things happened so it won't repeat itself again in the future still I wish I have a peace of mind.

Writing it down, making it public, telling people not to regret. Maybe that's not what I intend to do.

I just want to share a little of my burden so I  can move on with a peaceful mind.

I am just being selfish again. ^_^

arrgg...Thanks for the air. Thank God, I am able to write this down.

I am happy

& I am blessed indeed.