In his book, Healing for damaged emotions, David Seamands writes about a young minister who once came to see him. He was having a lot of problems getting along with other people, especially his wife and family.
Seamands recalls: "I had already talked privately with his wife; she was a fine person-attractive, warm, affectionate, loving - and totally supported him in his ministry. But he was continually criticizing her, scapegoating her. Everything she did was wrong. He was sarcastic and demanding, and withdrew from her advances, rejecting her love and affection. Slowly but surely it began to dawn on him: he was destroying their marriage.
"Then he realized that in his weekend pastorate he was hurting people through sermons which were excessively harsh and judgemental...
"Finally, in his desperation, he came to see me. At the beginning of our interview, he met trouble like real man: he blamed it on his wife! But after a while, when he became honest, the painful root of the matter came to light."
The young minister finally admitted that while serving in the armed forces in Korea, he had spent two weeks of rest and relaxation in Japan. During that leave, walking the streets of Tokyo, feeling empty, lonely, and terribly homesick, he fell into temptation and went three or four times to a prostitute.
He had never been able to forgive himself. He had sought God's forgiveness and, with his head, believed he had it. But the guilt plagued him and he hated himself. Every time he looked in the mirror, he couldn't stand what he was seeing. He had never shared this with anyone, and the burden was becoming intolerable.
When he returned home to marry his fiancee, who had faithfully waited for him all those years, his emotional conflicts increased because he still could not accept complete forgiveness. He couldn't forgive himself and to her; so he couldn't accept her freely offered affection and love. He felt he had no right to be happy, his emotions, and his relationships with other people.
"How beautiful it was to see him receive full, free forgiveness from God," Seamands wrote, "then from his wife, and perhaps best of all, from himself,"
Very often we feel we don't deserve the love and affection of others because of our past. Its the guilty feeling that robbed us of our joy in loving others unconditionally.
We should learn to forgive ourselves for the mistakes we did. It was a "past". Nobody is perfect. :)
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