Arang And The Magistrate -Ep 12

I have decided to write a brief recap/summary of every episode of Arang and The Magistrate starting from ep. 12 onwards. I think it would be more fun. 

There were some major revelation in this episode. Arang read Lee Seo Rim diary and remembered how she first took a glance of Jo wool. He was her love at first sight to which she brazenly asked her father to propose a marriage to his family. Although it was accepted, Jo wool was cold towards her and never made a move to see her. 

Jo Wool was in dilemma. He knew the witch wanted Arang physical body and for that reason the witch advised him to forget about her. He sneaked in her room and again tried to thrust the knife into her heart but he couldn't do it. He realized he had fallen in love with Arang. He couldn't cut off his feelings for her as instructed by the witch Mo Yuen. 

Dol sui found out the truth about Arang background as a ghost who became human. 

The magistrate burdened by his feelings for Arang decided to be frank with her and confessed his feelings to her. He hoped Arang was Arang and Lee Seo Rim was a past. Arang intuitively knew his feelings and tried to stop him from revealing it but he was adamant. Arang told him to not like her because she didn't have any feeling for him. 

Comments
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It looked like Arang did like the magistrate but she knew her days were numbered and she didn't want it to burden her or The Magistrate. She just wanted to know the truth of her death and leave peacefully.

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Money

It is not easy to talk about money but also in order to understand about money, we need to talk about it.

Personally I think I have made a few financial mistake and I think to justify my mistakes it 's because of a few things;

1) I never learned how to handle it earlier due to a family having nothing or little money to begin with.

2) When I started my work, my starting salary was a little bit on the low side and whatever I had then, there was no way I could save it for so long and not to withdraw it later.

After graduation I read a lot on financial management and I understood much then not to purchase big cars or rely on credit cards.

I think I was pretty much level headed about money. I was lucky because I didn't have study loan and all I needed to start with upon graduation was my bare hands to get on with my first step.

I too don't fancy flashy things like new gadgets aka cellular phone, laptop, camera, branded handbags, shoes and clothes. I really did have a pretty frugal life.

In fact, my need was so little, I never really thought about working in a big company to earn more money. But that's not necessarily good.

However, even with a modest way of living I found myself not that financially secure.

I made my first loan when I started working in a farm. It was a place my brother could not send me. That was how I purchased a small car and without a down payment I ended up having to pay for it for nine years. 

After much thought and it really was something I had to do I took a personal loan. The reason for this second loan was because I wanted to help my parents to build their house. It was then followed by debts for my wedding. My hubby and I shared the whole expenses. Just so you know, my husband also needed to pay a dowry for the bride/me and believe me it wasn't even that high but it did burdensome. 

But I think my biggest problem with money is not in buying big flashy things but in being a very impulsive shopper. It is not always because I need to buy things but because of emotional needs. Emptiness can create a bad habit. It's true. I need to overcome this. . .

And then again if you live in the city, your life is pretty much about spending money on daily basis. You have to pay for almost everything. 

The only thing you may able to scrape by a little is your food. Sadly if you are not thinking about health aspect, you will end up with fast food or junk food. 

Other things like house rent you can manage paying not much but you may have to sacrifice living uncomfortably by having to share it with a bunch of people. But not when you are married. You still need a comfortable place for your new family to flourish wonderfully. 

And I have not even started about hobbies which may or may not be helpful depending on which side you want to look at. On matter of satisfaction or fulfilling life needs for creative entertainment, it is good but on matter of saving money maybe in particular buying book, it is costly. I do love library but as I said before, for me going to the library for the time being actually cost me more than the car park fee. Maybe not. . .I shall review this statement. Huhu

There are other things that I want to leave undiscussed for today. Maybe I'll write more about it on a different day. 

For now let just start with being honest about it. It's a need but also a burden. How best to live with or without money? Let's find out together. ;)

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Flower Boy Ramyun Shop

I didn't watch a lot of dramas last year that I happened to like enough to talk about it. Flower Boy Ramyun Shop was an exception. As childish as it might seems it managed to keep me glued to the screen.

This drama was starred by Jung Il Woo as Cha Chi Soo and Lee Chung Ah as Yang Eun Bi. The rest of the casts were Lee Ki Woo as Choi Kang hyuk, Park Min woo as Kim Ba wool and Jo Yoon woo as Woo Hyun Woo. It was directed by Jung Jun-hwa and written by Yoon Nan-joong.

What I loved about this drama is the fact that it is a rom-com and it really isn't trying so hard to be serious. It is indeed a very light drama.

However, it is not something without fault. To me Kang-hyuk suited better with Eun-bi with palpable chemistry between them.

Chi-soo if I should call it as infatuation towards Eun bi was rather infantile. I mean he was only 19 and Eun bi was 26??

How on earth can you believe such pairing would last with enough similarities to survive a matured relationship.

But of course, as I said it's a drama which has nothing to do with reality?

Anyway the play out of the story was well paced with or without good sense.

I still loved it though. I think because I liked Jung Il Woo and Lee Ki-woo.

Watch it. You wouldn't mind the flaws. ;) 3 and 1/2 stars!

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My Work, Not Working

It's not enough just being able to go to work punctually. The most important thing is to go to work and work diligently.

My problem with work is, often than not my superior order me to do things I really don't feel like doing.huh! It's a challenge.

As a result of that, as much as I prepare myself to arrive on time I can't really seems to be at ease doing anything.

I mean, I arrived punctually, never go out during working hours, even have lunch in the office and leave office on time, and yet I don't have any motivation to follow orders.

Part of me is rebelling and partly trying to be submissive but in the end I only do my part minimally.

However much I tried my best to finish my task, there is always a line I am not willing to cross which is to do more.

I know it's bad but I must admit, I can't love the task I am given. It is too. . . .hmmm. . If I can use a metaphor it's like asking me to chase the wind and capture it. Imagine a bomb being dropped to you every time the order comes around. *snap . Just like that. No head, no tail. . . Well. . .maybe that's an exaggeration but let me just say, I am not in. *shaking head.

So, because the environment isn't that conducive or fair enough for a person to survive and also I have problem trying to give my best, I think I am facing a big problem like wasting my energy and dying slowly with a lot of pent up emotions. You see, even plant dies if not planted on the right soil with enough sunshine and rain.

How can you say yes when you really mean to say no or say maybe when you really want to say never.

NO AND NEVER

I really have to go...somewhere over the rainbow.

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Luck by Andrew Matthews

I find it easier to find inspiration while watching drama or movie. My mind simply wander and the idea starts to flow out ceaselessly. It's like opening a tap and the water just come rushing out like that..*woooshhhhhhh

Enuff CF. . . 

What I am thinking right now is to share with you a parable written by Andrew Matthews in his book entitled Follow Your Heart. 

The story goes something like this, in his own words;

There once lived a farmer. He had a son and a horse. One day the farmer's horse ran away, and all his neighbours come to console him, saying: "What bad luck that your horse has run away!"

And the old man replied: "Who knows if it's good luck or bad luck."

Within a week, the farmer's horse returned home, followed by twenty wild horses. The farmer's neighbours come to celebrate, saying "What good luck that you have your horse back- plus another twenty!"

And the old man replied:"Who knows if it's good luck or bad luck!"

The next day the farmer's son was riding amongst the wild horses, and fell and broke his leg. The neighbours came to console him, saying:"What bad luck!"

And the farmer said: "Who knows if it's good or bad luck!"

And some of the neighbours were angry, and said: "Of course it's bad luck, you silly old fool!"

Another week went by, and an army came through town, enlisting all the fit young man to fight in distant lands. The farmer's son, with his broken leg, was left behind. All the neighbours came to celebrate, saying:"What good luck that your son was left behind!"

And the farmer said:"Who knows?"
****

The moral of the story was if you want more peace, stop labelling everything that happens as good or bad!

Everything happens for a reason and you are not able to see the whole picture.

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No One Else

This is the OST song for More Than Blue. It is a really sad song and it is so deep. It fits the movie so perfectly. I am sharing here to let you enjoy the beauty of the song.

Enjoy but don't be sad. It's only a song.

Xoxo.

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More Than Blue

I have recently rewatched this movie for the second time and I still think it is wonderful.

The story was about a pair of orphans Kang Chul (played by Kwon Sang Won) and Eun woo  (played by Lee Bo Young) who lived together and loved each other but never took the chance to confess their feelings for each other.

Although they lived in the same house and worked at the same company, Eun Woo was oblivious to the fact that Kang Chul was suffering from Cancer in terminal Stage. Kang Chul hide it so well from her until she discovered it accidentally after taking his painkiller pills which he described as pill to make him smart. All because she was unable to write a sentence on lyrics she was working on.

Even so, Eun Woo didn't confront him about the fact. She only asked calmly if he had a wish. Kang Chul told her he wanted her to find a good man and  get married with the  man and that was the basis of how the whole story played out.

Eun Woon picked a man, Kang Chul  made all the necessary background check up and made sure the fiancee ditched the man and off he offered Eun Woo to the man, walking on the aisle. 

But a month later Kang Chul died, followed by Eun Woo. How she died was not told, only a voice over from her tape recorder telling Kang Chul not to get angry if he saw her on the other side because she was going to him.

I really like the chemistry of all the actors and  how the story played out. It really touched my heart. Isn't it true that sometimes we love but not able to say it out loud?

Check this out. It's really nice. One of my favourite k-movies.

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Resting, Relaxing. Home Sweet Home (4)

Everything was unplanned the last few days. I tried to get more in touch with my inner self. I mean every little thing. As little as getting up and going somewhere. Hehe. That's not practically good. Right? Is it?

Because two weeks ago I had spent a long time at kampung, the excitement to be there during the Malaysia Day holiday wasn't that much. But. . .of course I went back anyway, because I seemed to be non-functioning here alone in this house.

I am not sure how best to describe my situation then. I wasn't unhappy or sad. I was just unable to be on my stable state. You know like a normal person should be. Its all because hubby went back to his place. Hmmm. . .I guess it's not right to be married and be on your own most of the time.

I love Haruki Murakami but even his book that I has just purchased and tried to read couldn't contain my feelings. Sleeping didn't work either. What passed my thought was the 'what if' I just ride the car and drive aimlessly anywhere until I feel at rest.

Yes. That must be it. I am going forward aimlessly because I am not sure what my heart should feel.

However it didn't mean I didn't enjoy my one night at kampung. I was actually relieved to see mum. I was worried she was having a hard time mourning the loss of Chiko. Thankfully she seemed relaxed. She even had on the knitted hat I knitted for her. She was happy and that made me happy a little. Apparently, to be happy isn't just about looking for things to occupy yourself with but also by making other people happy.

Anyway I am done with my rambling for the day. *smile.
Happy Malaysia Day! 

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Out of Place

I think I should balik kampung more often. It helps to balance me out as a person. I have this thought that, no matter how much time you saw it in the movie of how humbling it is to be among the people in the village, it's never the same as experiencing it first hand and many times over. 

I am not done with my holiday experience yet. I know I have wrote some. It just that ideas keep flowing out. This time it's about the feeling of coming to terms with real identity.

You are what you are constantly exposed to. I think it's true for anyone regardless of age and creed. It doesn't matter if you grow up in the village and later make a living in the city or vice versa. After a while you will wander from your true self. 

What I really mean by true self is someone who is not defined by his appearance, his job or the worldly materials he possessed. Someone who can look at the mirror naked and see what he/she has as a person; the character that defines him/her. 

I agree looks matter but character makes us interesting. However,  character cannot be faked by having things, worldly things. It definitely comes from 'inside'. It is the complex make up of both heavenly and worldly attributes. 

When I went back kampung on my last holiday I totally forgot about work. I didn't even think twice about my mismatched shirt and short. Interestingly, It happened that, in one of those unwinding days, I sat down on the staircase and took a look at my finely pedicured nails. It crossed my mind then of how strangely, I felt. I honestly felt the art on my nails were out of place. Not really me. I thought to myself " I have come this far of not knowing if painting these nails are important or not to me as a person". 

I overhead a caller commenting on the radio about The parody of Gangnam Style song. The caller said it was actually to serve as a sarcastic remark to the people in Gangnam area who has become very materialistic. If what he said was true, the question is " Are we going on that direction? Uri, saram?"

I love beautifying myself. It won't change. But more than that, I would really love to look like me. Not because someone said this and that should be my style but because I love looking at myself in front of the mirror and see the reflection of me. The true me. 

It doesn't matter even if I only have one piece of clothing and a pair of shoes. I think I can live just being me, naked or clothed.

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Three Words

Three words

I love you
It changes everything

Three words

I hate you
It changes everything

Three words

I am sorry
It changes everything

Three words

I forgive you
It changes everything

Three words

I believe you
It changes everything

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Say it

The best way is to confess. It doesn't make things be the way you want it to be. It doesn't right the wrong. It won't bring back the loss time and opportunity. It doesn't settle the matters of the heart. It doesn't cure the heartbreak. It doesn't fill the emptiness. It doesn't turn back time.

As a matter of fact, it only relives the moment again and again. However, when your heart is still laden  with strings of unspoken things, you must unburden it.

You must not care the 'what if'. Deal with it later. Just write it down. Just speak it up. Just turn the unspoken words to something you can reflect upon. Just do something about it. You can't let it burden you like that. You will die and become an unhappy spirit for not speaking up what you mean and not doing what you want. 

Life cannot be put on hold. It ebbs away in the blink of an eye. But the matter of the heart won't change with time. The meaning stays no matter how long you keep it inside.

Say it.

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Home Sweet Home(III)

If I could capture moments with words those memorable time I spent on my last trip back to kampung, these would be it; 

1) I bought  a cake for the kids and I remember how excited they were blowing out the candles, one for each. It wasn't exactly their birthday, but kids don't remember that kind of thing. They only remember you celebrated it. 

2) Our Japanese Spitz dog we fondly called Chiko, tailed my mother everywhere. I mean she was damn cute. A few steps ahead, paused, looked back at mother to check if she  still followed her and walked again and paused again. . .on and on until they safely reached home. My mom is the alpha at home and Chiko is just following the lead literally everywhere.. *smiling sweetly 

3) My father and hubby had this bonding time I could only stare and smile. I was a happy daughter and wife ;) 

4) I took time to look at the kid's homework and made sure they did well. This rare chance to be a part of their learning process left me with yearning to have more chances to be there for them. 

5) I soaked and hand-washed the kid's uniforms. Something I never did since primary school. 

6) I did most of the cooking and the house chores. That was something. I always turned  into a lazy bum every time I was at kampung, relying on my parents to pamper me like a really spoilt child. Not this time. I changed for good. *nodding head..(hopefully it last)

I had a memorable time.

* My brother just called up this afternoon to inform me that Chiko has tragically died and mom is having a hard time mourning the loss of our/her faithful companion.  **SOB SOB SOB

Two Things

Two things; 

1) If you are unable to make an immediate decision or confused, take your time. You don't need to rush into making a decision you might going to regret later. 

2) If you have been in a confused state for a long while and the situation seems to depress you, make a decision right away. Maybe you have to pick between the bad and the worst, either-way try to concentrate only on living heart-fully and gratefully. 

You see no matter what the circumstances are, the only person that can make things right for you is you. Channel your thoughts towards positive things.

Two things:

1) Don't play victim and make everyone around you feel uneasy and burdened. Stop crying and get busy. A hobby will do. A pet will comfort you. 

2) Don't channel your frustration to innocence people. They are not your punching bag. 

You see, other people don't share the same position or opinion with you. Even if they do, you don't have to flock together and start the hatred growing. You should never become a catalyst for bad things.

Two things;

1) If you feel unhappy, don't allow it to destroy other things in your life. 

2) If you can't help but making the unhappiness obvious, spare sometime to reflect on your life on daily basis. Don't continue living each day in the same manner. It will soon become a habit. 

You see, becoming happy can be acquired by looking for things that will make you happy. A door is opened only  if you open it and if you knock it.

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It's Okay

'It's Okay.'" He said but I know he doesn't mean it. He is the voice in my head. Many times a day I come back to the same place, same event, same conversation and everything replays the same way. He says it the same way, flat tone without a twist, devoid of emotion.

His expression reveals nothing, his eyes as cold as ice. I don't know what he thinks or what he means when he says 'It's okay.'" I can only intuitively understand that he doesn't mean what he says. 

He said it when I did something wrong but I had no idea if I had upset him. When I couldn't pick up the phone and there were 14 misscalls, I called back, said sorry and he said 'it's okay" and yet it felt like I was too late. 

Beneath that cold exterior is a man in his own world. He is okaying everything and yet leaving everything . I am throwing punches to the wind. To the ambiguous character I could not decipher no matter how hard I tried. 

To be what kind of person I should be . .  . .is not the question. My sincerity could not win him as a woman, as a friend, as an enemy, as an acquaintance?. He run to the south, to the east to the north everywhere but next to me. Even in close proximity he is million miles away. He is gone. What left standing is a memory buried improperly. He is a living dead I have no way to reach out or to leave. 

Even so, love is untamed force. Trampled, crumpled, ruined, broken, pained, hurt and yet 'it's okay.'" 

2004 - 2005

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I Dream Away

I too have a dream of traveling around the globe. It could be tiring, it could be consuming time and efforts but in the end it could satisfy my curiosity of the world. 

There was a story told by Haruki Murakami in one of his books entitled After Dark. It was a story about three brothers who washed up on an island in Hawaii. The story goes something like this, in his own words.

Three brothers went out fishing and got caught in a storm. They drifted on the ocean for a long time until they washed up on the shore of an uninhabitated island. It was a beautiful island with coconuts growing there and tons of fruits on the trees, and a big high mountain in the middle. The night they got there a God appeared in their dreams and said, 'A little farther away down the shore, you will find three big round boulders. I want each of you to push his boulder as far as he likes. The place you stop pushing your boulder is where you will live. The higher you go, the more of the world you will be able to see from your home. It's entirely up to you how far you want to push your boulder'"

So the three brothers found three boulders on the shore just as the God had said they would. And they started pushing them along as the God told them to. The youngest brother quits first. He said, 'Brothers, this place is good enough for me. It's close to the shore and I can catch fish. It has everything I need to go on living. I don't mind if I can't see that much of the world from here. '

His two elder brothers pressed on, but when they were midway up the mountain, the second brother quit. He said, 'Brother, this place is good enough for me. There is plenty of fruit here. It has everything I need to go on living. I don't mind if I can't see that much of the world from here.'

The eldest brother continued walking up the mountain. The trail grew increasingly narrow and steep, but he didn't quit. He had great powers of preserverance, and he wanted to see as much of the world as possibly could, so he kept rolling the boulder with all his might. He went on for months, hardly eating or drinking, until he had rolled the boulder to the very peak of the high mountain. There he stopped and surveyed the world. Now he could see more of the world than anyone. This was the place he would live - where no grass grew, where no birds flew. For water he could only lick the ice and frost. For food, he could only gnaw on moss. But he had no regrets, because now he could look out over the whole world. 

The author concluded that the moral of the story is that if you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price and another one is that people are all different. 

I want to see the whole world. What is the price that I have to pay? What kind of people I am?

I am a dreamer and I am dreaming away of the possibility of how far I can go to see this whole world.

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Come to Think of It.

I think I can live like this. Wake up at wee hours , have my breakfast and morning shower and proceeds to write from 6.30am - 10.00am. After that I shall continue knitting whatever project I have started from 10.00 am to 12.00pm. After lunch, I 'll take a break for an hour by napping and start reading a book from 2.00pm to 4.00pm then I'll throw the garbage out and off for some afternoon exercise. At 7.00pm I'll have my dinner, watch an episode of drama which will take about an hour and then hit the bed an hour before bed time to rest awhile by writing down the journey of the day in my journal. Wow. Really time isn't that long enough in a day to do much.
Is this a life?

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What Am I Good At?

If people were  to ask me what am I good at, most probably I am going to tell them, "I am good at reading books"*giggling. I know it's not much of a specialty . Everybody can read books and I am sure there are millons out there who love books and read more than I can ever accomplish in my lifetime. But since there isn't much about myself to be considered special, I am simply going to say what I think about myself.

All of my brothers, five of them share almost the same hobby. They love cars and coincidentally are sort of good at it (psstt..I don't understand man obsession for cars).  The only exclusion is my fourth brother who loves IT whereas I on the other hand love reading book.

It is my first love if I have to put it that way. I know it that much because one of my earliest and vivid memories included a heartbreaking moment when my mother promised to take me to the library when I was around 5 or 6 year old. Sadly it didn't happen. I cried buckets of tears and vengefully determined to make up for the lost time by reading voraciously in my adulthood. *LOL. Well, I guess anyone who was starved of something will definitely develop an insatiable appetite for the things they have been deprived of. Right?

I think I have talked about books alot.  Twice? Thrice. . .? *wink. But hey, I can't stop confessing my love to you. It's hard to hide an obsession. I AM SORRY! 

By the way,  thinking of what I have just mentioned. What good does it do to love reading books? 

I had an experience when the knowledge from a book saved my day. I am not a born leader but there are times I have to step up the plate and be the problem solver of many conflicts between co-workers. It's a role I have to shoulder being the the Head Unit.  There was one time I had to settle a very heated argument between two ladies that forced me to think hard in order to save the day. Both were priced staff in their own respective fields. In that kind of situation I can be clueless if not for the availability of wisdom I had been able to recollect and withdraw from much reading.

Secondly my husband isn't much of a talker. In order to draw him out I have to continuously search for an interesting topic that we can discuss about . If you have been married for sometime you will understand what I mean by not having anything to talk about. 

Thirdly, if you work long enough at the same place with the same people, sooner or later you will run out of topic to talk about and you are going to start gossiping like bored people always do. So I find it helpful to have some readings from books to share with people as a way to distract myself from gossiping. 

Fourthly, it keeps me occupied in a good way. If you spend much of your time on your own, reading book is probably one of the best ways to know that the world is revolving round and round and however much you know now, there are still more that you don't know about. 

In short, books Keep me SANE. It helps me to deal with people  wisely and it keeps my marriage WORKING. If not for books I wonder what would be the world I live in inside this head of mine? 

As a conclusion I think being good at reading is a great blessing despite it being  very common. So common indeed that I can always relate to you and vice versa. Right? 

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Saving the Planet Earth.

This is not earth hour in case you think I am promoting it. But of course it has something to do with it. I just wanted to share a few tricks to save energy. These are the few little things I practiced at home to conserve energy. I am sure we hear it often on the radio how the DJ rant about lack of water and energy resources globally so we must strictly try to conserve whatever resources we still have or else we gonna end up trying to build "dam" that forced natives to relocate to some areas leaving their much loved lands that bear so much of memories. 

Now lets get down to business.

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Passion

My father is a 62 year old man and he is busy constructing a bridge by himself. My mom is a 60 year old woman and she just finished attending night classes for English Language Courses.  She is now continuing her driving lesson. So it seems passion does not extinguished with age. My parents are my closest inspiration when it comes to pursuing a passion in whatever stage of life.

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Tentang Rasa

Hellow!!!!!
I was on my way back from jogging this morning with my dear husband  when this song was on the radio. I hummed along with the song sincerely feeling the mood. I dedicated this song to him.  It kind of touched a deep feeling inside me which only surfaced sometime. It reminded me of how some love is indefinable and that although you have no words to express it, you are inseperable with whomever it may concern.

This song is my song of the day. My love song.

Have a great weekend guys!

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I Can Wait

When you really want something so badly you are willing to wait as long as you can. Right? Or so I thought. Sometime a promise can be so convincing you registered it in your mind without flinching. "It is fated"  said the heart. 

"I Can Wait" someone said and you are sold. You think that the promise allows you to misbehave on the pretext that you have been fully accepted. You are now in a safe zone. No more hiding bad smells, bad taste, bad mouthing, bad secrets and on and on until you are naked basically stripped away of your past and present. Lying in front is a person unmasked. 

When the truth has been revealed, the true nature takes over. While you gladly stroll the park with no worries trusting the promise, you run in with the true nature then you realized it's all but empty promises.

No man can handle the truth. He can't wait.

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Pelangi Senja

There you go "uri Stacy". Thats a real song. Truthfully, I rather hear the song minus the video. The video is so distracting, I am not sure if it's a good idea. However the winning part is the song itself. It wins my heart because it sounds so epic, and it's kind of reverberating a lost soul. . There is the subtlety to it that almost indistinct..

How do you feel about it? I love it to bits..

ENJOY!

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The Joy of Giving

What is your take on giving?

I am little bit stingy. Reflecting on my attitude towards money, let just say if I can put a few words on it, I am someone who loves the idea of living frugally but also I love the idea of living at the moment. Now that is something hard to balance because needless to say the intuitive mind can possibly override the cognitive mind every time. 

When it comes to giving, I am always hesitant. You know being selfish and all I tend to splurge money on everything for myself. What a bad girl I am. I know.

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What Does it Mean to Be Beautiful

Since I started my morning earlier than usual as I posted (here), I have also started to "beautify" myself because I have an ample time to do so.

I realized then, that a small step like that could actually change the way I feel. I feel "pretty" and that feeling evoked another feeling which is happiness. One truth that I has just embraced.

Starting my day feeling beautiful and happy is extremely GREAT. It boost up my energy and confidence level. You know like being able to smile broadly because you feel great. Its a rare occassion to feel happy daily when you are used to be doing things as a routine. I mean like only turning up for work because you have to? Its not really something to be happy about isn't? But hey, be a woman and dress up nicely, put on the most appropriate colours on your face and baam...you would want to run to the office to show off. Hehe.* (just kidding)

There is a character that crossed my mind while writing that down. Her name is Arang from a current Korean Drama series Arang and The Magistrate. Arang was a ghost who couldn't cross over to the next world and left wandering the earth because of unresolved issues. In episode 3 she found out she was due to be married to a man prior to her death. She took a glimpse of him and her heart raced so much she thought it was because she loved him so much. She wanted to meet him but not in her current state, haggard with dirty clothes. The person who was actually able to see her stated the fact that it shouldn't be a problem because her still alive fiance won't be able to see her anyway. But she refused.
"You don't understand the heart of a woman" she said. Even as an invisible ghost, Arang wanted to look her best before seeing her fiance. 

Arang stated the heart of a woman. Feeling beautiful makes all the difference regardless of how others view you.

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You Don't Know You're Beautiful.

Howdy?

Let's sing along with this song today. It is so nice to start your day with a lovely song. Don't feel insecure okay. You are beautiful. Those people who said otherwise isn't looking right. Yes? ;)

Xoxo

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A Day of Unsettled Case

I like this Samsung Tab and this blogger android application. It allows me to write freely and with ease at anytime possible. The only setback is that I don't think it allows me to edit the article after it has been published. Otherwise I am satisfied. I can write on and on in a day when I want to. Its gonna be difficult for you to keep up with me. NO? Good. Its gonna be a fun ride. Don't you worry.. *evil smile. 

Off to the topic for today. . . Are you ready?

Read more »

Nothing Much

What am I up to? I am being sneaky. First of all, this whole thing about writing up a minute really gets into my nerves. Not that I hate it. Part of me rejoiced with the fact that I can write down something. What I hate is strictly personal. It gets to me every time. I was so jumpy I am likely going to have attention and memory dsyfunction soon. I have changed from this wide-eyed order me anything kind of girl to someone eye-shuts, mind spacing out kind of girl. It was so obvious I don't think they didn't notice.

Sometimes I think its gonna take me forever to finish just one sentence and then when I did finish the whole thing it was not enough or should I say never good enough. I rewrote and proofread and do it round and round painstakingly so many times that my head just wanted to explode from overwhelming corrections. But in the end it was still not good enough. 

What can I say? Maybe I am simply not born to become a minute writer. It is too formal with lack of absurdity which is the only thing I am capable of doing. I jumbled up words that confused people. It was either too much or too short. Never right. 

While I am saying this, the minute I have to prepare is glaring at me on the computer screen. I wish my heart isn't screaming in annoyance so that I can get it done fast. I am taking my time because the whole meeting was a chaos I am scared I will be burned up by the heat of the argument once again. Now, that is what you call boring people trying to have fun and you think only children fight over trivial matters.

I am complaining. Yes. It is not going to get me anywhere. Yes. I need peace. Come come and get me. I am hungry for calm and serenity. 

You know what John Eldredge said ? (from what I think I remembered) He said being nice and polite about everything isn't necessarily a good thing. It lacks drive. Meaning to say if you don't have a passion for anything and just go through life being nice and polite, you are dead. So how did this thing related to my problem? I am angry but its because I am passionate about writing. Right? 

Right there. But I still need to be calm though.

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The Library Vs The Bookstore

Until two weeks ago, my bestfriend whom I love so damn much was the library. Right now we are kind of separated. I have not fall out of love but I figured going to the library cost me more than the parking fee. Not most of the time, but normally when I step out of the library my inclination for window shopping  gets the best of me.  There I was happily strutting out after picking new books to wallow in and a silly idea to just innocently feed my eyes with new things on the shelves and i was a goner. Me and my big appetite. The next thing I knew, I was broke. A library at the supermarket is really a bad idea. 

However I am just spacing out for a little while. I need sometime to break my habits. I have to unlearn this maniac needs to browse through nice, cutesy things *sigh.  I am not sure if I have done well considering the fact that because I leave the library I am now going out steadily for two weeks with the bookstore. Not a good combination. Again, I am broke.

What can I do. Book is an addiction. I don't understand why can't I get away from it. So now, I am thinking should I get back together with my first love the library and at the same time have an affair with the bookstore. The thing is the bookstore got things I yearn for while the library is only able to feed me the necessity to get by. 

I am in dilemma. Anyone? 

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My Relationship With Facebook

I have a complicated relationship with facebook. I am not sure how to put it in the right words. Just say, I have kind of grow to not really like it. Why so?

At first it was great to see again  the faces of all the long lost friends but the excitement quickly diminished with time. It was exhausting just to keep up with everybody. Not that they wanted me to. But it felt like I needed to since they were there gracing the updated status news every second of the day and you know how powerful the facebook WERE. 

The worst part for me was not the news. It was the jealousy. Jealousy always gets the best of me. I don't really know that wicked part existed in me until I came face to face with those things that really made me want to fall apart because of jealousy. Isn't that terrible to be jealous of people? I sound pathethic don't you think so? It's a shame to actually admit that. But its a fact, a real fact. You can't meet perfect people and not get annoyed by their perfection because it shows how much lacking you are and I really don't like that kind of feeling. It made me hate myself for being who I am which is totally irrational. How can I hate myself? And how can I hate perfect people or be jealous of their perfect lives? 

In short, that was my main reason not to get engaged with the social network site the way I used to.

It's funny though because in a way it showed how unfriendly I was. But if you were me, would you rather have yourself be on the site and eaten up alive by your bad conscience or like me abandon it for good and start anew?

Do I not miss my friends? According to Malcolm Gladwell in his book entitled The Tipping Point, if we really were asked to list down the number of people we think we care about, the max would not get pass 12 people or so. The tipping point is 12 and after that it will only be someone you don't really quite care that much. He also implied that the number of people who can function well in one unit is only up to 150 people. That is the tipping point. Considering the fact that he presented was right, without arguing whether its true or not for your case,  just how many friends you think you have added in your friend's list?

Back to the question above. I do miss my friends. But I have made up my mind to be much friendlier with those who really EXIST there in my day to day living as in you can see them in person than those who only exist virtually. You can't really do much with those who have moved on with their lives and have a different life than what you are living now. Can you?

However I am not saying that I don't have or hate facebook. Of course I do and I still think its a great platform to communicate with people or even strangers.  It just that this time around I have a different goal. 

Whatever it is I know this time, jealousy the big no no word will never ever gonna get the best of me. Yep. It won't. 

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Distant

Did I tell you about my feeling of loneliness? I did didnt I? I am sure I did because I feel guilty sharing about it for a long time that I tried very hard not to share too much of my thoughts lately.

Today however, it feels as if even the heaven is open for me to talk about things I don't normally share in my serene state. Maybe it has something to do with Haruki Murakami influence in his book that I just finished reading entitled Sputnik Sweetheart.

Let me share his piece of mind. 

" Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the Earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?" 

He spoke exactly what I thought of. 

I have an issue getting close to people but I don't really have the words to express it. If I can use a metaphor it would be like me standing at the seashore waiting for the waves to crash on my feet. But the waves even though it is always there crashing against the beach, it doesn't always come to my feet. Sometimes I have to come closer to let it come and sometimes I need to runaway a little far from it so it won't carry me away and possibly drown me. That kind of relationship. That kind of distance. 

It sure makes me feel very lonely though. 

Have I never found a soulmate? I think I did and because I did it made the loneliness much more greater. The thing is I couldnt possibly shelves my feelings because there is nothing to replace it.

If I could find just one soul to really feel close with, I think it would suffice. I will ask for no more. 

No more distant.

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I Won't Give Up On Us

This is a song that I recently listened and addicted to. A song that makes me stop whatever I am doing at the moment to listen to its beautiful music and lyrics. It makes me teary with happiness overflowing. The kind of song that lifted up your spirit just because someone told you that he won 't give up on you. Its wonderful. Beautiful. Heart warming. Thank you Jason Mraz. 

Now I would like to dedicate this song to you too. Those who drop by and visit this site of mine. Take care there fellow bloggers. ;)

Sincerely

G.S.I

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Be good, be bad. Just be..

Everytime I feel bad or sad, I struggled whether I should put it into writing or not here in this blog of mine . Since I decided a long time ago to put the title as Count Your Blessings, writing a piece that can only be concluded as sad seems out of topic until recently I reread my favourite book The University of Hardknocks by Ralph Parlette. 

In short the author summarized that if burden was lifted from a person. The person will soon become wrecked. 

A burden it seems is not there for you to despise or to hate but to appreciate because only when you are bumped with unfortunate situations that you will learn. 

It is something to applause and to be happy about. Of course not necessarily something to share about, not to the depth of your grief personally if you can hold yourself not to. But for some people like me who gather her thoughts by writing it down, it simply a must. It's still up to me though to share it with others or to keep it  personal. 

There were times when I wanted to only share my positive thoughts with others so that people will have nice balanced positive thoughts to mull over in their heads. But then again, more than trying to give that positive state of mind, I would love to share my experience in life. The good, the bad and anything in between. You know I am not much of an angel nor a devil. I am a human who happens to inherit the bad side of Eve who loves the unknown but promising and in the course of doing so bumped into so many unfortunate situations. 

I decided then that If I happen to want to share the bad things happened then so be it. I cant' hurt people by being me can I? As some people said, be good, be bad. Just be. . You are not confusing people that way. You are just opening up to the world. No frills.

Rather than feeling anxious of being labeled as someone who don't walk the talk, I am just going to be happy that I have the freedom to share my piece of mind regardless of the contents or to whom it might bless or offend. 

As Paulo Coelho said, you can't please everyone. If everybody loves you, you are not being true to yourself or something is wrong.

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An hour earlier. . .

I have discovered recently that getting organized is all about how you start your day.

A few months ago I decided to start my day an hour earlier than my previous waking hour which was at 6.00 am. I was then, inspired by a quote wrote in a book entitled Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. He is such a fine author to say the least. 

It goes something like this (not the exact words. I am writing much of what I remembered)

 " Nobody will not become rich if they wake up early in the morning to tend their farm for 365 days a year". 

It literary means that you have to work hard for 365 days without fail. I found the quote very much intriguing. So I decided to apply it just a little bit in my waking hour and found out it actually helped me more than just being up early. 

As a result:-

1) I have time to cook and have my breakfast and also I have time to prepare my lunch meal to bring in to the office. Therefore I don't have to worry going out for lunch and have time to take a rest or nap during rest time which is lunch time. In a way it changed my eating habits as well as my spending habits. 

2) I can do my laundry 

3) I can take time to do grooming and make up. 

4) I can pick my working clothes carefully and also iron it accordingly. 

5) I arrived at the office so much earlier than usual that I can read a book at least for half an hour. 

Also upon reflecting I realized a few things as a result of this new habits :

1) I do care about how I look and I try my best to represent who I am and how I feel inside by the way I dress up. It has always been a challenge to me in the past to keep up with an image. But now I try not to worry about an image. I neither want to impress. In my mind I just want people to look at me and feel "happy". Anyway I rather call it feel "blessed". Someone used to say to me that your appearance will bless others too. So you better not looks scruffy or disheveled because imagine what people might think of your state of mind. Right?

2) It started with a goal to organize a morning  but actually it changes my whole lifestyle in every area of my life.

3) My mind is clear because I don't have to be cluttered by the thought that I need to rush in the morning. Rushing is always a bad idea to start your day. 

In a nutshell you can now begin counting more blessings to come.

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Deep Sigh

I miss talking to someone. Not anyone in particular, just a stranger. If i were to imagine a scenario it would be. . .something like I was sitting next to a stranger without a face..and with that we comfortably chit chat the night away without actually talking whatever matter most, just a story of here and there..things like that.

I feel a little bit restless today. There are many thoughts running through my head. Some bad things and a few good things which of course if you analyzed what I have just said I am putting much weight on the bad things and little or no attention to the good things.

Perhaps I just had a bad day today so my thoughts couldnt function kindly and my body was responding badly as well. The adrenaline keeps flowing out and therefore stopped me from feeling at rest.

You see I really wanted to feel at ease right now. I wanted to sleep but I can' t.

I try to find some comfort by thinking of home but home reminded me of other unsettled matters and so are other things. Have you ever thought that way of either being burdened by everything or being a burden to everyone? Its like if possible you should just live in a cave away from society or people? Have you ever felt that way?

Its because I am not thinking right, at this particular moment, right?

Stranger, my reader,

I am just going to be honest with how I feel right now. I feel mostly upset but also I am angry. Angry in the sense that because I wanted to live so badly I couldn't just accept things the way it is, I have to think of way that least dissappoint me.

I don't feel helpless, but I really want to believe in friend, companion, stranger and society because right now I have lost trust in people, friend what more society.

How do I live like this?

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Three Days

In three days I have learned alot. Its surprising how much you can learn in three days. Probably equal to a year of actually learning if you dont have the opportunity to learn in any other ways.

In three days I learned, if you are not humble you will stay where you are.

That random wise people can change your mind in seconds. 

I have learned that with different people you will receive different type of energy. 

That it is much better to be with those who stop you from further going down a dark road. 

I learned things can be made simple or easier. It is you who can choose to try it out now or never. 

I learned there is more to me and there are so much more that I can offer than I ever thought of. 

I learned that I can do all things through him who strengthened me.

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God's Handwriting by John Oxenham

 

 God's Handwriting
He writes in characters too grand
For our short sight to understand;
We catch but broken strokes, and try
To fathom all the mystery
Of withered hopes, of death, of life,
The endless war, the useless strife,
But there, with larger, clearer sight,
We shall see this - His way was right.

The Seven Life - Changing PrinciplesThat Lead To Purpose and Fulfillment by Samuel Rodriguez

1. Life's greatest opportunites arise in our darkest hour.

2. Faith and fear always run together.

3. God programmed us to have partners.

4. There's always an empty tomb right before a filled upper room.

5. Order precedes promotion.

6. There is transformation, followed by recognition.

7. You are assured a filled upper room.

These principles were based on Christ resurrection on the third day.

My comments

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I was personally touched by the second principle. Faith will overcome fear.

The Ten Commandments of Working in a Hostile Environment by T.D. Jakes

1. Know that you are anointed for the job or position you now hold

2. Don't expect to be appreciated

3. Embrace opportunities for change

4. Do the job well while remembering the vision

5. Don't Let the Environment Get Inside of You

6. Increase your capacity to work with difficult personalities

7. Where you are is not where you are going

8. Achieve optimal results with minimal confusion

9. Do not pledge allegiance to cliques and groups

10. Always keep your song near you

My comments
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Although I am not inclined towards liking and accepting a hostile environment, I welcomed this "commandments". 

The Sea Lion by John Eldredge (Part III)

  Three weeks after the wind ceased to blow, the sea lion had a dream. Now, as I told you before, there were other nights in which he had dreamed of the sea. But those were long ago and nearly forgotten. Even still, the ocean that filled his dreams this night was so beautiful and clear, so vast and deep, it was as if he were seeing it for the very first time. The sunlight glittered on its surface, and as he dived, the waters all around him shone like an emerald. If he swam quite deep, it turned to jade, cool and dark and mysterious. But he was never frightened, not at all. For I must tell you that in all his dreams of the sea, he had never before found himself in the company of other sea lions. This night there were many, round about him, diving and turning, spinning and twirling. They were playing.

Oh, how he hated to wake from that wonderful dream. The tears running down his face were the first wet thing he had felt in three weeks. But he did not pause even to wipe them away, he did not pause, in fact, for anything at all. He set his face to the east, and he began to walk as best a sea lion can.

" Where are you going?" asked to tortoise.

"I am going to find the sea."

The Sea Lion by John Eldredge (Part II)

It was in May that the winds began to blow. The sea lion had grown used to wind, and at first he did not pay much heed at all. Years of desert life had taught him to turn his back in the direction from which the wind came and cover his eyes with his flippers, so that the dust would not get in. Eventually the winds would always pass.

But not this time. Day and night it came, howling across the barren lands. There was nothing to stop its fury, nothing to even slow it down. For forty days and forty nights the wind blew. And then, just as suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. The sea lion lifted himself to have a look around. He could hardly believe his eyes.

Every single leaf had been stripped from his tree. The branches that remained, with only a twig or two upon them, looked like an old scarecrow. And I do not need to tell you that there was no longer any shade in which to hide. But worse than this, much worse indeed, was what the sea lion saw next. The water hole was completely dry. 

The Sea Lion by John Eldredge

The sea lion was not entirely alone in those parts. For it was there he met the tortoise. Now this tortoise was an ancient creature, so weathered by his life in the barren lands that at first, the sea lion mistook him for a rock. He told the tortoise of his plight, hoping that this wise one might be able to help him. "perhaps" the tortoise mused, "this is the sea." His eyes appeared to be shut against the bright sun, but he was watching the sea lion very closely. The sea lion swept  his flippers once against his side, gliding to the end of the water hole and back. "I don't know," he said. " It isn't very deep." "Isn't it?" " Somehow, I thought the sea would be broader, deeper. At least, I hoped so."

      "You must learn to be happy here, " the tortoise told him one day. " For it is unlikely you shall ever find this sea of yours." Deep in his old and shriveled heart, the tortoise envied the sea lion and his sea. "But I belong to the sea. We are made for each other." "Perhaps. But you have been gone long now, the sea has probably foegotten you," This thought had never occurred to the sea lion. But it was true, He had been gone for a long, long time. "If this is not my home, how can I ever feel at home here?" the sea lion asked. "You will, in time." The tortoise appeared to be squinting, his eyes a thin slit. "I have seen the sea, and it is no better than what you have found here." "You have seen the sea!" " Yes. Come closer," whispered the tortoise, "and I will tell you a secret. I am not a tortoise, I am a sea turtle. But I left the sea of my own accord, many years ago, in search of better things. If you stay with me, I will tell you stories of my adventures."

   The stories of the ancient tortoise were enchanting and soon cast their spell upon the sea lion. As weeks passed into months, his memory of the sea faded. "The desert," whispered the tortoise, "Is all that is, or was, or ever will be." When the sun grew fierce and burned his skin, the sea lion would hide in the shade of the tree, listening to the tales woven by the tortoise. When the dry winds cracked his flippers and filled his eyes with dust, the sea lion would retreat to the water hole. And so the sea lion remained, living his days between water hole and tree. The sea no longer filled his dreams.

My comments

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I wish I won't end up like the sea lion. Living in between.