Me & My Chicken Story II

I really love chickens :). I mean that literally...Just watching at chicken for hours can give me a sense of comfort that couldn't be match by anything else. * imagine a weirdo smiling crazily*...

When I am awake, you can say..chickens are my object of desire...BUT

When I am asleep...I am totally terrified by it...

So there you go again with my latest dream of chickens..

The hen looked like this (but a bit weak) : Credit to GOOGLE

In the house? Somebody have brought these pair of a hen and a chick where they were not supposed to be..so needless to say there were chicken droppings on the floor which really angered me. I got mad and was looking for the responsible person. How can a person rear a chicken in the house??

...Then I wake up...* let me rephrase that. *I got scared. ( I think I shooked my spirit to wake up not wanting to continue it..**is that right**).. Here we go again.. another problem is coming up?..but this time I think..the problem belongs to someone else..just that, I have to  be the one who needs to face it...

Now..now..am I superstitious....???

Or is this how the world works sometime..the unfathomable.

I Will Promise You

Life is not a bed of roses (image: Credit to GOOGLE)

I want to make a quick entry today to say hello and maybe to share some of my thoughts these few days. How are you all my fellow bloggers? :)

As it turned out, I did encounter some "unpleasant" events. Because of that, I am forced to reconsider a lot of things. I probably have to make a lot of change from here onward. :)

I am not ready to talk about what sorts of things that happened, but you know.. "it is well with my soul"...:) (Nothing tragic really... :). I believe everything happen for a reason.

It can be as simple as "a wake up call".

Since there were mixed things that happened, it is actually hard to write my thoughts about each and every one of it. However, in short I just want to share that although I am terribly worry as of now, I am happy that it brought us (family) together. It has been a long time, since we (family) share one room together, sleeping on the floor. :)

*tears welled up on my eyes right now* 

My promise is that, I will always be there for my love ones, no matter what it takes. :)

* fighting!!!!

I am blessed indeed

I Am Happiest When..

I am happiest when I start doing something that I truly like...for example "reading a slide"...ehmmm..* smiling broadly.  

Dear Chinggus..

Since life become busier, I feel much better about life. I am now mostly occupied doing things that I love. How nice is that. Well..I must say...the secret in passing time wonderfully is by engaging in work every second of the day without feeling pressured by the demand of the task. Right??

Today, I have started doing something in my work place. Because of that, I am truly excited and looking forward to expand my knowledge and expertise in the so called new "task".

I think that, being a professional it means that we don't just do a task but also have the credibility and competency to run the task we are responsible with. I really don't like being a half-baked worker. When I do something, I want it to be perfect. Of course perfection is not something you can achieve easily but I feel that it is something that I must achieve. I want to become someone reliable for my opinion and the job that I did.

I think, it is given that an employee must give his or her best when she or he is performing a task. But also it is also given that the same person must continue on learning and expanding her or his knowledge and not  become complacent.

You have to train yourself to do work until you become excellent at it. Why? Because you ...could be the only one who can do it. :)

Okay..

Happy Working all and GBU!!

XOXO

Looking For That One Thing

I love blogging because it allows me to speak up my mind in a more detailed manner. I have stayed away from updating my status in FB and Twitter because it only allows a few lines of sentences to be published at one time. I disliked it. I need to elaborate my point of view the way I wanted it to be understood if I ever made a choice to make it public.

On a totally unrelated matter, I am actually thinking about..."passion" and "longing. One of the main reasons why I tried not to associate myself with the social network is because each time I encountered a person who had a very "distinct" hobby and passion, I was always overwhelmed by how much that person passionate about their hobby or passion. It made me feel left out as in "why am I not there yet?? Or Do I really have something that I like or passionate about which is totally unique to me??? Those kind of questions..bugs me.

I am not jealous..(a little maybe..*cough *cough), but I do not want to feel that I am ...uninteresting or that I am lacking so much, there is nothing truly unique about who I am as a person. Well..that's not totally true. Right?? But..who I am..and what I am proud about myself that lurking into the creativity of others left me ..empty and plain. :(

Hehehe..Anyway. I shouldn't be so hard on myself right? Every one is special in their own way. Sometime you don't see it but others do. Perhaps I should look at myself from other people points of view. I need to know me. I need to understand myself better and keep on looking for the right area to shine.

You agree with that chinggus??? :)

We have to. Lets keep on living to the fullest + challenge ourselves until we find that One thing.

Love 

XOXO

I Know You

It is easy to understand my nephews and nieces if they take after my sides of family (my brothers) because..when you are related, some part of you is there and it is evident and cannot be not understood.

When I became an adult, I realized I understood my mother better than when I was growing up. It was easier because I was able to see the glimpses of me in her or the glimpses of her in me. Not only in appearance but also our strengths and weaknesses. I concluded that in order for me to improve myself is by trying to understand her better and deciding exactly how I should  face things differently if I disagree with her ways of doing things. It's like assessing my other self making a move and decided to follow suit or change it to yield a different result. We do have differences but I think, more than differences, we bear much more similarities. 

Having blood relatives means having the same kind of blood and DNA running in the veins and because of that same genes, you cant deny your relationship. Even if you were born in a different part of the world, your genes will eventually shows who you really are. It's a pre-determined inborn characteristic. You have it in you and hence, there is no way to deny it. Right??..

You might wonder, why I posed such an opinion (to be considered). Well..it is because, sometime when we feel lonely, we always try to look for someone similar to us and often than not we found that similarities in our family..only. We gather together with our family because that is where we are most comfortable and place where we can share common things comfortably. There is no hiding true self, no acting, no pretending and certainly no agendas or whatsoever. What you see is what you get. However even in that similarities, we tend to isolate from our family and look for the opposite outside of our home. We think home is scary (because we know everything inside the family) and so we venture out looking for a safer place albeit living by ourselves. 

While looking for our identity not dictated by our family, it is good to venture out and not safely hiding, locking yourself in your family home. A good journey out in the world will make us understand the way of the world but soon when we are weary, we will soon realize that the safest place on earth is still where you were born and, the people who understand you the most and will always accept who you really are is your family.It doesn't even matter if that place will harm you and your whole family. You just want to stay rooted where you are and died with those you cared the most. 

...missing my family...

My Teeth Dream

I have been having teeth dreams the last two nights. In my life when it comes to teeth dreams it always indicate "a relationship"..if I pulled out a tooth effortlessly without pain, bleeding or oozing pus as a result of it, it means I cut out a relationship safely without causing hurt. However, I only knew about it that much without knowing well to whom that dream may implicate. I don't know who is going to involve or when it is going to happen.

Yesterday night, I dreamed four of my teeth were rotting and although I managed to pull out some part of the teeth, the roots were still there stained with dried blood.

Last night I dreamed, I pulled out two of my teeth. I didn't feel any pain and it was a clean pull. I wonder who are they that I am pulling out of my life.

Because of my last night dream, I am especially careful today. I know you might think that I am superstitious but I'd like to assert that I only come to this kind of conclusion about the meaning of each dream after witnessing it happening many times in my life following the same type of dreams prior to the unfolding events. Do you believe me??? :P. well...you don't have to of course. It just that..(trying to explain my point of view here), I think we can't really understand all things using logic. Some are messages coming in many forms like dreams that we need to decipher. Because that kind of things is unique to each of one us, we can't really ask for another person to make us understand it. It is like understanding your own individuality. Except God, the only one who knows who you really are, is you. You only need to choose between believing in it or not. Some people say, if we do not believe in something, we will fall for anything. So, I choose to believe in myself and the truth that I found unique to myself. 

So there you go...I wonder...but not anticipating..I can' be anxious of the things destined to happen. Right?? Should I??

Have a wonderful week end..chinggus. I am having a fun day here..:)

Love you all

XOXO

A New Joy In the Family

A new baby is born

As you can see on the picture above (I have bought a few baby items as a present)..there is a newborn in the family. My younger brother is now officially a father. :) I am joyful myself because it means I have got a new nephew.. what a wonderful news to the family.. Praise The Lord.

I have wanted to share this news even earlier but I really was occupied and I am suffering tiredness these days. :)

I would have shared with you the born of a new baby as well 5 months ago which was the son of my second brother if only I made up my mind to share it on the spot but I keep postponing it because I was thinking of sharing with you the whole event on that particular day.. It's a missed opportunity. I hope I did not make a mistake of postponing the news this time around. There is indeed no better news than a news of a newborn baby. Right???

Of course..

XOXO

The Tamu

Before I move on to a serious "talk"..maybe I should start with a light story first..:)

Wacaaaaa...How are you all? I am so damn tired and restless the past few days. It was like I never had my full energy from morning till night and even after sleeping punctually at 9pm I still don't feel energetic. ugh!!! The last few days must have taken its toll on my not so fit body. I should really start exercising..right?? 

By the way..ehemm...I tried my hardest to drag myself out of the house and enjoyed the farmer's market today..because you know..I really missed the chaotic market. This is the only place where you don't have to feel awkward mixing with people from various walks of  life because they are all in casual mode and not out there trying to impress anybody. People just come by to buy whatever things they needed and it is so very convenient because you can take your pick from the row of stalls that offer you various items from foods, flowers,clothes to pet. It's the mix of everything and it is so interesting because the sellers are allowed to attract people attention by using whatever devices they have like microphone. You can even put your "acting" skills to your full advantage and demonstrate to people how things work. It's a lovely sight. :)

And guess what really makes me..happiest?? when I can casually look for knickers laid on the mat at the cemented ground while the seller enjoyed her food. :)...* ekekeke..I mean you can't do that in the supermarket right?? The atmosphere is way too formal to act..informal?? I don't know what is the right term. But it is a difference between behaving in a certain way when you are in a different kind of situation. In short, you can just loosen up and enjoy yourself. It doesn't even matter how you turn up to the market. I even turned up a few times there..without washing up or brushed my teeth..ekekekek..:)

Earrings

One of my harvest this morning in the market is that pretty earrings (the left pic). Ehem...does it look nice?? :)

Of course I bought the most important thing as well which is vegetable. This is the place where you can find various types of fresh vegetables. If you have been eating lots of not so fresh vegetables from the supermarket, Saturday is the right time to make up for those days because in farmer's market the choices are immense. 

The Thing That Matter Most???

Don't make the same mistake of being self-centered favouring upon your work and your needs and therefore neglecting other people or your family. I read that somewhere and I do agree with that statement. But also looking at it in a different perspective I want to understand it much better. Hence, I write this article to gather my thoughts about this matter.

I know a certain somebody who really prioritize her own personal matters over work that often she left her job unattended or attended by others. She only wanted to know the result and not the process of how the work can be carried out. She is not open for discussion because it takes her time from doing her other important matters. She loves instructing and delegating duties but blind to the overall process. In short, I do not see why personal matters reign supreme than her work. She jeopardized other people efforts by simply being so into her own personal matters.

I know I am judging but hey..this is the reason why I go "kaput" every time work is mentioned in my dictionary. It is like a traumatic word because it reminds me of people who really have no interest in working at all. Just imagine if everyone in this world is only interested in their own personal matters.

I like people who take good care of their family and the people around them but also I like them even more for knowing when to draw the line between working effectively and functioning fully as a human being in recognizing and attending other people or family needs. I understand that family comes first but don't tell me it includes for example asking the driver to send your husband to the market because as far as I know the driver is not hired to attend to your personal needs. You don't pay his salary. Right? I am just saying.

I am sorry, I went a little overboard just now..ekekeke..So, honestly I am no better myself. As you perfectly know by now, I really am kind  of living my life completely like..all by myself. But it is not like I do not want to actively participate in society at large. It is because, in few words there are things I could not accept as of now to involve in certain kind of activities. I am not only scared but also I am not willing to be manipulated to portray a certain kind of image people are trying to make me into. Okay..that sounds...weird and confusing right?? hehehe..Well, I am not ready to explain that. But I agree..I shouldn't stay passive. I must look for ways to participate in some social activities that will help me to help others. Right??

Just one thing..being a woman is both an advantage and disadvantage. The disadvantage is that no matter how smart you are, men aren't always ready to accept it. But then again, just being a woman is already tough. It is because you are by society standard required to be PERFECT or SUPERWOMAN. You must have a good job (with high salary if possible so the man will have no worry to feed you, clothe you and attend to your needs and desires), you must be beautiful with flawless skin and svelte figure (or else the man will cheat on you and blame it on you for having a bloated figure), you must know how to cook (or the man will find a reason to go home late because you are not cooking), to keep the house clean (must not feel tired and do all that without fails regardless of how busy and tired you were at work), you must be socially adept to know how to please the family especially the MIL and FIL or the aunties and uncles (no excuse of PR problem or lack in social skills), you must make sure the children are bathed, clothed, fed and educated (you act as the personal tutor to check the homework or if you failed to teach them, you are deemed failed as a parent), you must keep tabs on the bill to make sure it is being paid, the groceries all bought and in short to always get up at 4.30am in the morning and sleeps at 12.00am in the morning just so everything run smoothly. I am not sure about you..but hey..it is not easy being a woman.

Anyway..since my topic is all about not being self-centered and about to not lose your focus on the other people beside you, I think we as human should only remember one thing which is "we must always treat other people the way we wanted to be treated". Okay?

Done with that..err..did I stray too far from the supposed to be discussed subject?? I hope not.

Love you all.

XOXO

Passionate In Everything

Your passion is who you are and what you live for every moment of your life. Is that true? If its true then it means bringing your work home and thinking about it night and day or every waking hour is not a problem at all. Right? If your job is your passion I see nothing wrong in doing your job during your personal time aka life after 5pm and on the week end.

How are you all chinggus? I am having so much of fun the past few days (weeks) that I was so totally exhausted basking from happiness of fully enjoying my life which made it hard for me to write down in this blog since I was fully occupied doing something else. But it doesn't mean I did not think of at least find the time to let you know about it. I just..don't have the "energy" and "time" most of the time. I was fully used. hahaha.

Back to my intention of writing today. I was watching "Instanbul Aku Datang" a few weeks ago and it left me with an impression specifically on blogging. Lisa Surihani (my fave actress) was playing a character I actually liked. The character was really adorable and I loved the way she put her mission on her blog and made it known to her blogger friends of how she planned and executed her every move. It was sincerely "odd but so odd it was good to look and to digest".

Because of her character in that movie, I find it amusing to want to be a little bit like her in telling you about every move (not all actually) of my life and be joyful and disappointed together with you here. Are you taking the journey with me? Have I gained your interest? Have I caused you to hate me because of how I viewed my life? Those kind of questions come to my mind. I wonder?..and perhaps will keep wondering..but of course it won't stop me from writing..since it is something that keeps me calm and liberated. :)

My passion these days isn't just writing but also doing my job. hehehe. I have fall in love with my job all over again after I decided to put away my dissatisfaction of my "tutttt"...I feel so happy after making a simple decision "to do my best in everything put in front of me". I decided that I am just going to be the best no matter what. There were moments of struggle of course but every time such things occurred I came back to my promise and recommit myself all over again.

Since I am enjoying my work so much and coupled with "forgiveness" to whoever breaks my heart at the moment, I am now fully giving my best and with that I have been doing more than just working from 7.30am to 5.00pm. I am living truly committed to my work or best described as becoming someone just like how Ma Hye Ri blossomed into a true prosecutor in Prosecutor Princess.

Now this is truly a big thing..since I am so comfortable with the idea of..bringing my job HOME..*clap hands.. :)

And I am happy. 

Fuh!!! I think from now on I am going to totally merge my working time with my personal time. I want to be fully living my passion all year round, every second of the day. I will finish my task at every moment possible where ever I am. and...It's not going to be a burden..because..I LOVE MY WORK.

hahaha..

I love living this life. I hope you are too.

Love

XOXO

In Times Of Trouble Praise God..

I was feeling a little giddy this morning. I am not sure why. Maybe because I had a sweet dream last night or maybe because I am feeling very peaceful with nothing much to worry  about.

The last few weeks had been a roller coaster ride for me because I had to settle a few matters and what made it much more worrisome to me was because of the fact that I wasn't able to contribute my energy into making things happen in some matters. I think the real problem was I have not yet mastered the art of delegation or to simply put my trust in other people to do what need to be done. But of course maybe I should learn to just let go of things and just trust others more. Right?

Only because I am in such a peaceful state now that I am truly able to convey my feelings calmly to you. If not I would be either refrain myself from writing at all or write a whole lot of "craps" that you just want to hurl your computer or laptop because of "anger".. I mean how could an anonymous person like me dare to ruin your day by ranting those things that choked you. Right???...^_^

Well, I just want to say, now that I think through about those days I have been feeling like the whole wide world burden was upon me, I think I was being unreasonable. :) I mean I can't just sit down and not feeling a little turmoil once in a while, right? The world without turmoil is like a world without events and where there is no event, there will be no stories to tell, no lesson to be learned and no life experience to draw from when you in need of one. Life that has nothing happened is not a life at all.

With that being said, I am going to agree with what an unknown wise person who said  in time of trouble praise God. I see wisdom in that. Moreover how else are we  going to be tested for endurance and strength if not by placing us in a lot of trouble. Right?

I guess I really am special and blessed indeed to have the opportunity to feel burdened and at times feeling like I am at the edge of losing my sanity. At the end of the day experience does matter be it good be it bad. And then again, it can't be that bad. Most of the time, a man in shining armour or a Goddess like Galadriel will brings all those bad emotion down with just one word of encouragement and appraisal that said "You did great" and you will be back on your feet, just brighter and stronger than before. Right?

Right there.

You just really need to go down deep if you really want to know what is happiness.

Okay. I think I have write enough. Back to work ya!!

Hang in there

XOXO

Let The Young Be Inspired and The Old Be Aspired..

As an adult we have a responsibility to the young one and the old one. I see it fit for an adult to guide the young  as well as affirming the old one that they are still valuable.

When I think of the young one, I think of the children of tomorrow. These are the hope of the future, our little self in the making. I have always thought that I had an amazing childhood because I grew up in the vicinity of neighbourhood  that always protect and help each other. I am afraid the future won't be so much like my own and I have to find some drastic ways to help my children to learn about safety and community. 

As of the old one, in my place of birth, the old one have always been regarded as the wise one that must be respected. However, as I myself is growing older, I am afraid I couldn't see myself fitting in the society if tomorrow I am no longer in service and become a burden to those around me. What with all the closed doors of the neighbors whom we don't even know.

These are the trends of the urban city. There is lesser and lesser community to fall back to and more selfishness as in only caring about oneself. One day I presume "village" is just another "tale" to be told to the children.

In saying that, I am thinking about my brothers children since I myself is still childless but nonetheless I regarded them as my own. Every time I see them, I can't help but see sparks of curiosity and creativity, a diamond in a rough.  And then I thought to myself, children like them needs to go places to find some inspiration in their lives so they can develop their talent into something it has meant to be.

I also think about my parents and how they lived their whole life living in one place without ever moving to any other places. I see great things in what they have done with their lives but I couldn't help but thinking of how much more they might have accomplished if only they saw more of this world. I am curious to know what kind of change they could bring into their lives if I take them a little further from their hometown. Would a little different in environment be able  to mould them into something more at this age? I hope so because I know my mother loves education and my father is one man with genius creativity. I only say so because I can't be compared to what they are able to do even at this age. 

This also leads me to think that the only way we might be able to save our future is by never neglecting our children and our parents. Let us not forsake them for the sake of our own survival. 

Yess??

To Expand Your World,,,

I was visiting my hubby hometown with my parents when I took notice of a new side of my parents individually. In a very short time I got to see a very different father and a mother whom I got to see usually in our small world aka home.

I was thinking it was probably because of the new environment I was taking them to that they suddenly became different. New environment must have done some amazing change of persona to the parents i thought I knew. 

In those short time of knowing more of my parents it dawned on me that if it was because of a new environment that I got to see a new person in each of them, than expanding your view by being in a different environment or world must be important to bring out the unknown side of you. Perhaps by expanding your world you will get to be a better person with so much more to offer this world.  With that observation, I am inclined to say, we have to see the world..more..We must not holed up in our tiny cubicle. Our world expand according to the vastness of the universe we set our eyes upon.

You see, the experience in the world that you have explored will help to teach you about a lot of things that you have never thought of. Things like how to be a useful person in a community. Things like how to function well as a member of a family and a society. This is "copying" skills which could never happen if you don't mix with people from various walks of life. You need to learn about yourself through them.

 A wise man said to get rid of a bad habit, you need to cultivate a new habit. By the same token, to get rid of a bad feelings towards a community and society, you just need to be with a community that truly treat each other well. Right?

Right there.

As this year is finally closing in, my final remark is that;

It's not important how you start your year but it's important how you end it.  Let us celebrate a year of good fortune and blessings that never ceased to come our way even when we have been bad all year long.

Merry Christmas (Belated)

&

Happy New Year 2013!!!

God Bless!! :)

Love

Niek

The Lessons I Learned..Some Of It...

I was about to write down on my diary aka Journal when I noticed that my husband had jotted down something on my diary. He read my diary and was sorry to do so but he said he hoped to learn something from my hidden thoughts. Ouchh..

Anyway..that made me scroll through every single details of my entry just to know what I have penned down in there. Hmm..I realized I did have a lot of mixed thoughts in there and some of it came as a surprise to myself because I really had totally forgotten thinking or writing about it.

It happened that on the 22nd May 2012 I wrote down something which to me..resonated then and resonates again now. Would you like to take a peek on my diary entry?? * wink.

Okay. I wrote something like this:

So..The lessons I have grown to like and practiced lately are these;

1. To be sincere (always) because it always get the message across. Don't be pretentious. Lesson from Moon Geun Young.
2. Be yourself. Stay in character because the character you have now is what bring you where you are. You really don't need to act out of character (trying to be someone you are not). Lesson from T.D Jakes.
3. To have the right aura. People can sense your aura be it good or bad. Everything Has vibration and if you gives off the right or good vibration the universe and the person right next to you will sense it and respond to it accordingly.Lesson from Masato Emoto.
4. What you are is what the people will be around you. You echoes your own self-image/perception. Lesson from The Dog and The Mirror.
5. To be true to your heart. Search and do what excites you. God made people to live fully and lively. Not just to become complacent like a dead stagnant river which without flowing will never have enough life to sustain it. Lesson from John Eldredge in his book Wild At Heart.
6. Character is fate. You can't hardly turned out to be different or expect people to change because character is what you are, a destiny. Lesson from Ethan Canin, as quoted from Heraclitus and written in The Palace Thief and Other Stories.
7. If you are stuck somewhere you won't be able to move on so learn to mend each step that has broken before moving any further up because if you don't do that it will be coming back to you again and again until you have learned the lesson. Lesson from Katherine Brazeltone in Pathway to Purpose For Women and Andrew Matthew from Follow Your Heart.
8. To release yourself from the "pact" you made a long time ago. Say if you have promised to God not to sin anymore and if you did to let God punish you severely. But then you realized you are just that weak human being who are hardly able to be perfect. Release yourself from the pact and start again as a child of God. You can't never runaway from sinning as long as you live. Lesson from Paulo Coelho in his book The Valkyries.
9. Take up faith when you are fearful. These two (faith & fear)  always run together side by side. Lesson from Samuel Rodriguz in Seven Pathway to Miracles.
10. Destiny is determined by choices we made. Like Peter and Judas both at some point betrayed Jesus. However Judas chose to hang himself whereas Peter chose to redeem himself by becoming the "rock" and taking care of the people Jesus left for him to love. Lesson from Max Lucado in Cast of Characters.
11. Your purpose in life is all in the roles you are playing now as an employee, a wife, a daughter, a friend and etc. It is the small things in each of these roles that make up for the big purpose you have in this life. So before you ask God to give you that one big purpose, play the one you already have because perhaps those are the place your lesson lies before the next big thing/role you need to carry in the future. Lesson from Katherine Brazeltone.
12. You are not able to understand or to see the whole picture so before you conclude whether things are bad or good, bear in mind that you don't know or have the idea what will be coming or happening next. Lesson from Andrew Matthew in his book Follow Your Heart.

And those are only some of the things I remembered to put in one sitting on that particular day which I think is very insightful and wonderful and of course made it clear to me that going to the library and just grab and read some random books are not pointless at all. 

I need to go back and say hi to the library.  Yess??

I hope it means something to you too. 

Happy Holiday!!

To Not Waste Time

The biggest spoiler of your holiday is none other than wasting time doing things that takes time but not necessarily satisfying. Surfing on the net to check on social site is probable an example of the biggest time waster of all time. Agree? huhu. Please don't get annoyed with that. It is just a matter of personal opinion because that is what I feel every time I spend my time surfing the net and linger a tad longer than necessary to check on my favourite site. 

However I only say so because I do have things that I really wanted to do today and I really don't have a long holiday. Some people commented that I am taking too long of a holiday but I really hope they keep it in my mind that although I take only 7 days holiday but I too make time to drop by the office in the afternoon (for the time being) to settle whatever I need to do. I know its not much and I really can't do better than that for now because letting me stay in the office by chaining me on the chair or something won't do me any good since what I really need now is a fresh new air from somewhere else minus the office thingy.

Excuse me. I don't hate my job. I probably dislike the unfair environment and the fact that it always left me feeling rather powerless, useless and brain-dead with nothing much going on but I am so very much sure that in spite all that I am rational and I don't like leaving a job undone.  I am not done talking about job just yet but today that's not really what I wanted to talk about.

I just wanted to share about my opinion on wasting time. Yes..wasting time is very subjective. If you have always been busy and always on time on everything probably wasting time and taking time much longer than usual or not caring about being on time isn't much of a waste. Right?

For example who cares if you wake up at 8.30am in the morning as long as you wake up feeling totally refreshed and ready to "slay the dragons" the moment you wake up or who cares if you take your shower at 10.00 am in the morning or still wearing your pajamas and off you do what you think is right for you at the moment aka writing up an article in your blog. Well that's what I did. And I see no reason to be sad about that. 

I am just a happy woman trying to ease her mind by doing what she does best which is ..(Writing)

Writing is Sharing and Sharing is Caring.

I am blessed Indeed. (Can't wait to enjoy the day)!!!

Take Time To Enjoy The Moments..

Because today I was on holiday, I took time to do almost everything. I enjoyed driving my car amidst the long queue of cars in a congested road. I took time window shopping. I took time to relax and to decide where is  the place that I really wanted to go the most. I took time to really do what matter most to me today.

I thought about it over and over again in my head about the place that I really wanted to go today and the funny thing was it really wasn't a big thing at all. All I really wanted was a cozy place to have a lunch where I could comfortably ordered my favourite food and ate it delightfully. 

I wasn't thinking about doing my hair, pedicure or manicure. I wasn't thinking about adding more clothes to my nearly full drawer. I wasn't thinking about buying another book to add to my collection of books. I wasn't thinking about doing facial treatment, perming my eyelashes or massaging my leg. All I wanted was to eat. :) .Even if I have millions to spend on whatever, I really was not in the mood to splurge on those said things. 

I think I know now what I wanted to do if today was my last day. All I wanted to do would be exactly what I did today. I will just go to a nice comfortable place to eat my last meal and I will be ready to die..anytime..

But..oh..no..I am not here to talk about dying. Of course not. I am too young to think about those kind of things. I know I am tired and probably a little sick but I really am not thinking about dying. I just wanted to share about my whereabouts today because to me it is something that I rarely experience nowadays. You know the feeling of total "freedom". The freedom to choose what to do simply because I don't have to get up and think about "work". 

It's good by the way to get away from your routine once in a while and be completely occupied by your own thoughts because only in silence will you see what you really want. Right?

Right There.

I am blessed Indeed.

Open up Your Heart and Let It Show You The Way

Today is my first day of year end holiday. I always need a year end holiday to gather my thoughts. It is the time for me to see clearly the path that I have taken this year, the goal that I have set and the new realization that will be the mark of a new beginning next year ahead.

This is also the time of the year where I would keep my thoughts to myself and let it overwhelm me for a little while until I come up with a resolution. It has been two years of a "hard thinking" from my part. Each time I decided to either press ahead forgetting and forgiving or make a short term plan to leave when time and opportunity come. However, this year things get a little harder than usual. 

I realize that just pressing ahead with unresolved things impending your way is not the best way at all. If I stay true to myself, no matter how I think about it, I can't just move on like I used to. Something really need to change. 

I really think that I have to open up my heart a little more and let it show me the right way to go from here onwards. For the sake of sanity, I really can't just go on optimistically believing that things will be fine if I stay "sincere" and "honest" with my way. 

The thing is I am one step away from the edge of a cliff. It's really really hard.

I am really looking forward to get some beautiful thoughts at the end of this year. I need some fuel to replenish my energy and I desperately need to get back on the right track. 

This is the time to be Happy..to feel blessed..and to run away from evil thoughts. 

To Not Falter (15/98)

Sometime the easiest thing you can do to make sure a certain task is being carried out is to simply do it without over analyzing. I feel happy today because I was able to look at the big picture and not simply made a self-serving conclusion like "this is not my job" and "I don't have to do this".

Its not easy by the way to accede to people request. Especially so if people used your name to get a better stand . I really don't like people using name and power to make other people do what need to be done out of fear or favour. Furthermore if you know how simple things are and yet you being strung along to make it happen.

But..I stick to a very simple reasoning which is..to not make a big deal out of it..and just do what needs to be done. 

I am simply happy that ...I did not falter..:)

I am blessed indeed to have self-control..:)

Out of Place

I think I should balik kampung more often. It helps to balance me out as a person. I have this thought that, no matter how much time you saw it in the movie of how humbling it is to be among the people in the village, it's never the same as experiencing it first hand and many times over. 

I am not done with my holiday experience yet. I know I have wrote some. It just that ideas keep flowing out. This time it's about the feeling of coming to terms with real identity.

You are what you are constantly exposed to. I think it's true for anyone regardless of age and creed. It doesn't matter if you grow up in the village and later make a living in the city or vice versa. After a while you will wander from your true self. 

What I really mean by true self is someone who is not defined by his appearance, his job or the worldly materials he possessed. Someone who can look at the mirror naked and see what he/she has as a person; the character that defines him/her. 

I agree looks matter but character makes us interesting. However,  character cannot be faked by having things, worldly things. It definitely comes from 'inside'. It is the complex make up of both heavenly and worldly attributes. 

When I went back kampung on my last holiday I totally forgot about work. I didn't even think twice about my mismatched shirt and short. Interestingly, It happened that, in one of those unwinding days, I sat down on the staircase and took a look at my finely pedicured nails. It crossed my mind then of how strangely, I felt. I honestly felt the art on my nails were out of place. Not really me. I thought to myself " I have come this far of not knowing if painting these nails are important or not to me as a person". 

I overhead a caller commenting on the radio about The parody of Gangnam Style song. The caller said it was actually to serve as a sarcastic remark to the people in Gangnam area who has become very materialistic. If what he said was true, the question is " Are we going on that direction? Uri, saram?"

I love beautifying myself. It won't change. But more than that, I would really love to look like me. Not because someone said this and that should be my style but because I love looking at myself in front of the mirror and see the reflection of me. The true me. 

It doesn't matter even if I only have one piece of clothing and a pair of shoes. I think I can live just being me, naked or clothed.

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What Does it Mean to Be Beautiful

Since I started my morning earlier than usual as I posted (here), I have also started to "beautify" myself because I have an ample time to do so.

I realized then, that a small step like that could actually change the way I feel. I feel "pretty" and that feeling evoked another feeling which is happiness. One truth that I has just embraced.

Starting my day feeling beautiful and happy is extremely GREAT. It boost up my energy and confidence level. You know like being able to smile broadly because you feel great. Its a rare occassion to feel happy daily when you are used to be doing things as a routine. I mean like only turning up for work because you have to? Its not really something to be happy about isn't? But hey, be a woman and dress up nicely, put on the most appropriate colours on your face and baam...you would want to run to the office to show off. Hehe.* (just kidding)

There is a character that crossed my mind while writing that down. Her name is Arang from a current Korean Drama series Arang and The Magistrate. Arang was a ghost who couldn't cross over to the next world and left wandering the earth because of unresolved issues. In episode 3 she found out she was due to be married to a man prior to her death. She took a glimpse of him and her heart raced so much she thought it was because she loved him so much. She wanted to meet him but not in her current state, haggard with dirty clothes. The person who was actually able to see her stated the fact that it shouldn't be a problem because her still alive fiance won't be able to see her anyway. But she refused.
"You don't understand the heart of a woman" she said. Even as an invisible ghost, Arang wanted to look her best before seeing her fiance. 

Arang stated the heart of a woman. Feeling beautiful makes all the difference regardless of how others view you.

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