Nothing Much

What am I up to? I am being sneaky. First of all, this whole thing about writing up a minute really gets into my nerves. Not that I hate it. Part of me rejoiced with the fact that I can write down something. What I hate is strictly personal. It gets to me every time. I was so jumpy I am likely going to have attention and memory dsyfunction soon. I have changed from this wide-eyed order me anything kind of girl to someone eye-shuts, mind spacing out kind of girl. It was so obvious I don't think they didn't notice.

Sometimes I think its gonna take me forever to finish just one sentence and then when I did finish the whole thing it was not enough or should I say never good enough. I rewrote and proofread and do it round and round painstakingly so many times that my head just wanted to explode from overwhelming corrections. But in the end it was still not good enough. 

What can I say? Maybe I am simply not born to become a minute writer. It is too formal with lack of absurdity which is the only thing I am capable of doing. I jumbled up words that confused people. It was either too much or too short. Never right. 

While I am saying this, the minute I have to prepare is glaring at me on the computer screen. I wish my heart isn't screaming in annoyance so that I can get it done fast. I am taking my time because the whole meeting was a chaos I am scared I will be burned up by the heat of the argument once again. Now, that is what you call boring people trying to have fun and you think only children fight over trivial matters.

I am complaining. Yes. It is not going to get me anywhere. Yes. I need peace. Come come and get me. I am hungry for calm and serenity. 

You know what John Eldredge said ? (from what I think I remembered) He said being nice and polite about everything isn't necessarily a good thing. It lacks drive. Meaning to say if you don't have a passion for anything and just go through life being nice and polite, you are dead. So how did this thing related to my problem? I am angry but its because I am passionate about writing. Right? 

Right there. But I still need to be calm though.

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