Distant

Did I tell you about my feeling of loneliness? I did didnt I? I am sure I did because I feel guilty sharing about it for a long time that I tried very hard not to share too much of my thoughts lately.

Today however, it feels as if even the heaven is open for me to talk about things I don't normally share in my serene state. Maybe it has something to do with Haruki Murakami influence in his book that I just finished reading entitled Sputnik Sweetheart.

Let me share his piece of mind. 

" Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the Earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?" 

He spoke exactly what I thought of. 

I have an issue getting close to people but I don't really have the words to express it. If I can use a metaphor it would be like me standing at the seashore waiting for the waves to crash on my feet. But the waves even though it is always there crashing against the beach, it doesn't always come to my feet. Sometimes I have to come closer to let it come and sometimes I need to runaway a little far from it so it won't carry me away and possibly drown me. That kind of relationship. That kind of distance. 

It sure makes me feel very lonely though. 

Have I never found a soulmate? I think I did and because I did it made the loneliness much more greater. The thing is I couldnt possibly shelves my feelings because there is nothing to replace it.

If I could find just one soul to really feel close with, I think it would suffice. I will ask for no more. 

No more distant.

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