Tentang Rasa

Hellow!!!!!
I was on my way back from jogging this morning with my dear husband  when this song was on the radio. I hummed along with the song sincerely feeling the mood. I dedicated this song to him.  It kind of touched a deep feeling inside me which only surfaced sometime. It reminded me of how some love is indefinable and that although you have no words to express it, you are inseperable with whomever it may concern.

This song is my song of the day. My love song.

Have a great weekend guys!

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I Can Wait

When you really want something so badly you are willing to wait as long as you can. Right? Or so I thought. Sometime a promise can be so convincing you registered it in your mind without flinching. "It is fated"  said the heart. 

"I Can Wait" someone said and you are sold. You think that the promise allows you to misbehave on the pretext that you have been fully accepted. You are now in a safe zone. No more hiding bad smells, bad taste, bad mouthing, bad secrets and on and on until you are naked basically stripped away of your past and present. Lying in front is a person unmasked. 

When the truth has been revealed, the true nature takes over. While you gladly stroll the park with no worries trusting the promise, you run in with the true nature then you realized it's all but empty promises.

No man can handle the truth. He can't wait.

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Pelangi Senja

There you go "uri Stacy". Thats a real song. Truthfully, I rather hear the song minus the video. The video is so distracting, I am not sure if it's a good idea. However the winning part is the song itself. It wins my heart because it sounds so epic, and it's kind of reverberating a lost soul. . There is the subtlety to it that almost indistinct..

How do you feel about it? I love it to bits..

ENJOY!

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The Joy of Giving

What is your take on giving?

I am little bit stingy. Reflecting on my attitude towards money, let just say if I can put a few words on it, I am someone who loves the idea of living frugally but also I love the idea of living at the moment. Now that is something hard to balance because needless to say the intuitive mind can possibly override the cognitive mind every time. 

When it comes to giving, I am always hesitant. You know being selfish and all I tend to splurge money on everything for myself. What a bad girl I am. I know.

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What Does it Mean to Be Beautiful

Since I started my morning earlier than usual as I posted (here), I have also started to "beautify" myself because I have an ample time to do so.

I realized then, that a small step like that could actually change the way I feel. I feel "pretty" and that feeling evoked another feeling which is happiness. One truth that I has just embraced.

Starting my day feeling beautiful and happy is extremely GREAT. It boost up my energy and confidence level. You know like being able to smile broadly because you feel great. Its a rare occassion to feel happy daily when you are used to be doing things as a routine. I mean like only turning up for work because you have to? Its not really something to be happy about isn't? But hey, be a woman and dress up nicely, put on the most appropriate colours on your face and baam...you would want to run to the office to show off. Hehe.* (just kidding)

There is a character that crossed my mind while writing that down. Her name is Arang from a current Korean Drama series Arang and The Magistrate. Arang was a ghost who couldn't cross over to the next world and left wandering the earth because of unresolved issues. In episode 3 she found out she was due to be married to a man prior to her death. She took a glimpse of him and her heart raced so much she thought it was because she loved him so much. She wanted to meet him but not in her current state, haggard with dirty clothes. The person who was actually able to see her stated the fact that it shouldn't be a problem because her still alive fiance won't be able to see her anyway. But she refused.
"You don't understand the heart of a woman" she said. Even as an invisible ghost, Arang wanted to look her best before seeing her fiance. 

Arang stated the heart of a woman. Feeling beautiful makes all the difference regardless of how others view you.

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You Don't Know You're Beautiful.

Howdy?

Let's sing along with this song today. It is so nice to start your day with a lovely song. Don't feel insecure okay. You are beautiful. Those people who said otherwise isn't looking right. Yes? ;)

Xoxo

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A Day of Unsettled Case

I like this Samsung Tab and this blogger android application. It allows me to write freely and with ease at anytime possible. The only setback is that I don't think it allows me to edit the article after it has been published. Otherwise I am satisfied. I can write on and on in a day when I want to. Its gonna be difficult for you to keep up with me. NO? Good. Its gonna be a fun ride. Don't you worry.. *evil smile. 

Off to the topic for today. . . Are you ready?

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Nothing Much

What am I up to? I am being sneaky. First of all, this whole thing about writing up a minute really gets into my nerves. Not that I hate it. Part of me rejoiced with the fact that I can write down something. What I hate is strictly personal. It gets to me every time. I was so jumpy I am likely going to have attention and memory dsyfunction soon. I have changed from this wide-eyed order me anything kind of girl to someone eye-shuts, mind spacing out kind of girl. It was so obvious I don't think they didn't notice.

Sometimes I think its gonna take me forever to finish just one sentence and then when I did finish the whole thing it was not enough or should I say never good enough. I rewrote and proofread and do it round and round painstakingly so many times that my head just wanted to explode from overwhelming corrections. But in the end it was still not good enough. 

What can I say? Maybe I am simply not born to become a minute writer. It is too formal with lack of absurdity which is the only thing I am capable of doing. I jumbled up words that confused people. It was either too much or too short. Never right. 

While I am saying this, the minute I have to prepare is glaring at me on the computer screen. I wish my heart isn't screaming in annoyance so that I can get it done fast. I am taking my time because the whole meeting was a chaos I am scared I will be burned up by the heat of the argument once again. Now, that is what you call boring people trying to have fun and you think only children fight over trivial matters.

I am complaining. Yes. It is not going to get me anywhere. Yes. I need peace. Come come and get me. I am hungry for calm and serenity. 

You know what John Eldredge said ? (from what I think I remembered) He said being nice and polite about everything isn't necessarily a good thing. It lacks drive. Meaning to say if you don't have a passion for anything and just go through life being nice and polite, you are dead. So how did this thing related to my problem? I am angry but its because I am passionate about writing. Right? 

Right there. But I still need to be calm though.

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The Library Vs The Bookstore

Until two weeks ago, my bestfriend whom I love so damn much was the library. Right now we are kind of separated. I have not fall out of love but I figured going to the library cost me more than the parking fee. Not most of the time, but normally when I step out of the library my inclination for window shopping  gets the best of me.  There I was happily strutting out after picking new books to wallow in and a silly idea to just innocently feed my eyes with new things on the shelves and i was a goner. Me and my big appetite. The next thing I knew, I was broke. A library at the supermarket is really a bad idea. 

However I am just spacing out for a little while. I need sometime to break my habits. I have to unlearn this maniac needs to browse through nice, cutesy things *sigh.  I am not sure if I have done well considering the fact that because I leave the library I am now going out steadily for two weeks with the bookstore. Not a good combination. Again, I am broke.

What can I do. Book is an addiction. I don't understand why can't I get away from it. So now, I am thinking should I get back together with my first love the library and at the same time have an affair with the bookstore. The thing is the bookstore got things I yearn for while the library is only able to feed me the necessity to get by. 

I am in dilemma. Anyone? 

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My Relationship With Facebook

I have a complicated relationship with facebook. I am not sure how to put it in the right words. Just say, I have kind of grow to not really like it. Why so?

At first it was great to see again  the faces of all the long lost friends but the excitement quickly diminished with time. It was exhausting just to keep up with everybody. Not that they wanted me to. But it felt like I needed to since they were there gracing the updated status news every second of the day and you know how powerful the facebook WERE. 

The worst part for me was not the news. It was the jealousy. Jealousy always gets the best of me. I don't really know that wicked part existed in me until I came face to face with those things that really made me want to fall apart because of jealousy. Isn't that terrible to be jealous of people? I sound pathethic don't you think so? It's a shame to actually admit that. But its a fact, a real fact. You can't meet perfect people and not get annoyed by their perfection because it shows how much lacking you are and I really don't like that kind of feeling. It made me hate myself for being who I am which is totally irrational. How can I hate myself? And how can I hate perfect people or be jealous of their perfect lives? 

In short, that was my main reason not to get engaged with the social network site the way I used to.

It's funny though because in a way it showed how unfriendly I was. But if you were me, would you rather have yourself be on the site and eaten up alive by your bad conscience or like me abandon it for good and start anew?

Do I not miss my friends? According to Malcolm Gladwell in his book entitled The Tipping Point, if we really were asked to list down the number of people we think we care about, the max would not get pass 12 people or so. The tipping point is 12 and after that it will only be someone you don't really quite care that much. He also implied that the number of people who can function well in one unit is only up to 150 people. That is the tipping point. Considering the fact that he presented was right, without arguing whether its true or not for your case,  just how many friends you think you have added in your friend's list?

Back to the question above. I do miss my friends. But I have made up my mind to be much friendlier with those who really EXIST there in my day to day living as in you can see them in person than those who only exist virtually. You can't really do much with those who have moved on with their lives and have a different life than what you are living now. Can you?

However I am not saying that I don't have or hate facebook. Of course I do and I still think its a great platform to communicate with people or even strangers.  It just that this time around I have a different goal. 

Whatever it is I know this time, jealousy the big no no word will never ever gonna get the best of me. Yep. It won't. 

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Distant

Did I tell you about my feeling of loneliness? I did didnt I? I am sure I did because I feel guilty sharing about it for a long time that I tried very hard not to share too much of my thoughts lately.

Today however, it feels as if even the heaven is open for me to talk about things I don't normally share in my serene state. Maybe it has something to do with Haruki Murakami influence in his book that I just finished reading entitled Sputnik Sweetheart.

Let me share his piece of mind. 

" Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the Earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?" 

He spoke exactly what I thought of. 

I have an issue getting close to people but I don't really have the words to express it. If I can use a metaphor it would be like me standing at the seashore waiting for the waves to crash on my feet. But the waves even though it is always there crashing against the beach, it doesn't always come to my feet. Sometimes I have to come closer to let it come and sometimes I need to runaway a little far from it so it won't carry me away and possibly drown me. That kind of relationship. That kind of distance. 

It sure makes me feel very lonely though. 

Have I never found a soulmate? I think I did and because I did it made the loneliness much more greater. The thing is I couldnt possibly shelves my feelings because there is nothing to replace it.

If I could find just one soul to really feel close with, I think it would suffice. I will ask for no more. 

No more distant.

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I Won't Give Up On Us

This is a song that I recently listened and addicted to. A song that makes me stop whatever I am doing at the moment to listen to its beautiful music and lyrics. It makes me teary with happiness overflowing. The kind of song that lifted up your spirit just because someone told you that he won 't give up on you. Its wonderful. Beautiful. Heart warming. Thank you Jason Mraz. 

Now I would like to dedicate this song to you too. Those who drop by and visit this site of mine. Take care there fellow bloggers. ;)

Sincerely

G.S.I

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Be good, be bad. Just be..

Everytime I feel bad or sad, I struggled whether I should put it into writing or not here in this blog of mine . Since I decided a long time ago to put the title as Count Your Blessings, writing a piece that can only be concluded as sad seems out of topic until recently I reread my favourite book The University of Hardknocks by Ralph Parlette. 

In short the author summarized that if burden was lifted from a person. The person will soon become wrecked. 

A burden it seems is not there for you to despise or to hate but to appreciate because only when you are bumped with unfortunate situations that you will learn. 

It is something to applause and to be happy about. Of course not necessarily something to share about, not to the depth of your grief personally if you can hold yourself not to. But for some people like me who gather her thoughts by writing it down, it simply a must. It's still up to me though to share it with others or to keep it  personal. 

There were times when I wanted to only share my positive thoughts with others so that people will have nice balanced positive thoughts to mull over in their heads. But then again, more than trying to give that positive state of mind, I would love to share my experience in life. The good, the bad and anything in between. You know I am not much of an angel nor a devil. I am a human who happens to inherit the bad side of Eve who loves the unknown but promising and in the course of doing so bumped into so many unfortunate situations. 

I decided then that If I happen to want to share the bad things happened then so be it. I cant' hurt people by being me can I? As some people said, be good, be bad. Just be. . You are not confusing people that way. You are just opening up to the world. No frills.

Rather than feeling anxious of being labeled as someone who don't walk the talk, I am just going to be happy that I have the freedom to share my piece of mind regardless of the contents or to whom it might bless or offend. 

As Paulo Coelho said, you can't please everyone. If everybody loves you, you are not being true to yourself or something is wrong.

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An hour earlier. . .

I have discovered recently that getting organized is all about how you start your day.

A few months ago I decided to start my day an hour earlier than my previous waking hour which was at 6.00 am. I was then, inspired by a quote wrote in a book entitled Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. He is such a fine author to say the least. 

It goes something like this (not the exact words. I am writing much of what I remembered)

 " Nobody will not become rich if they wake up early in the morning to tend their farm for 365 days a year". 

It literary means that you have to work hard for 365 days without fail. I found the quote very much intriguing. So I decided to apply it just a little bit in my waking hour and found out it actually helped me more than just being up early. 

As a result:-

1) I have time to cook and have my breakfast and also I have time to prepare my lunch meal to bring in to the office. Therefore I don't have to worry going out for lunch and have time to take a rest or nap during rest time which is lunch time. In a way it changed my eating habits as well as my spending habits. 

2) I can do my laundry 

3) I can take time to do grooming and make up. 

4) I can pick my working clothes carefully and also iron it accordingly. 

5) I arrived at the office so much earlier than usual that I can read a book at least for half an hour. 

Also upon reflecting I realized a few things as a result of this new habits :

1) I do care about how I look and I try my best to represent who I am and how I feel inside by the way I dress up. It has always been a challenge to me in the past to keep up with an image. But now I try not to worry about an image. I neither want to impress. In my mind I just want people to look at me and feel "happy". Anyway I rather call it feel "blessed". Someone used to say to me that your appearance will bless others too. So you better not looks scruffy or disheveled because imagine what people might think of your state of mind. Right?

2) It started with a goal to organize a morning  but actually it changes my whole lifestyle in every area of my life.

3) My mind is clear because I don't have to be cluttered by the thought that I need to rush in the morning. Rushing is always a bad idea to start your day. 

In a nutshell you can now begin counting more blessings to come.

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