I am Not A Victim

I am not a victim. A victim is someone who is unable to do anything for herself or someone who is trapped in a prison of "self" or others.

I was thinking about this word "victim" while I was having a heart to heart conversation with a friend of mine. We were sharing about all the difficulties we were facing in our jobs. As I was listening to her words, I understood that she was as jaded as I was and like me had found difficulty in trusting others. I saw a glimpse of myself in her. She made me realize that I really do not want to be that "jaded" any longer and I wanted her to feel that way too. I want her to believe that life is not that cruel. 

However,  in order for me to make her feel that way I have to examine my own heart and look for the right answer to fill her up. So I have to go back to all the events in my life and asked her the same things about her life. There must be a missing point in there. I asked " Do you have any regret in your life?" "Are you going to do the same thing if you are given a second chance?"The answer is. "There is no regret". "My surrounding have influenced me to make this type of decision and I never see any other way to look at things differently". So those were the limitations. You can also call that "FATE".

The thing is no matter what other way you want to understand your life from then till now, the point of it is just one, it is to fulfill your calling in this world. No?? So then why at one point in your life you feel you are nothing or feel victimized. This word "victim" really can break you as a person. 

Feeling victimized is a feeling that really breaks you if you really put it that way. It can really make you feel so unimportant and useless that you would lose your sense of pride. Once you lose your pride, you will lose your self-esteem and when you lose your self-esteem you will not be able to live true to your potential.

I think about all those things. I think about how demeaning feeling victimized can be to a person. So I make a decision to not feel that way. It's a choice.

I admit that somehow living in this world means you are bound to rub off with a certain kind of people who always want you to bow down to them. It's okay. I can play as a servant, wholeheartedly. really. seriously. But it doesn't mean that I will forget my own dreams. While bowing to others, I will still reach for my ultimate dreams. Those dreams are what planted in my heart. It's a choice. I can complain and disobey or I can obey and still look for something to be victorious on my own pursuit.

I admit that once in a while I go "crazy" but I don't just file it that way. I find ways to cope with it although somehow it might come across as a little "nuts" like..taking a deep breath, checking my reflection in front of the mirror, quietly smiling and put on a nice red lipstick to feel wonderful and gorgeous before stepping in inside "the" room to wait for the "order".

You see I am not that strong of a person that I can be prideful to say that I am strong. I am weak. However, because I am weak I understand my need to have God in my life and the wisdom to understand that "I can do all things through Him who strengthens Me."

I can overcome difficult situations now, because I have fully understood the meaning of relying on God. It is in EVERYTHING. Every little steps of the way.

Thank You Lord.

I am blessed indeed.