I am Proud Of Myself..

If you have worked hard on something whatever the outcome is, isn't it the only right thing for you to do is to be happy with yourself? Of course that thing is maybe something very easy for someone else but it is something very difficult for you given the circumstances that you are in and the fact that you don't have any guidance (from certain somebody) but to rely on your own capacity and resourcefulness.

I was both happy and sad today. I was happy because I did everything I can within my ability to come up with my presentation enough with all the evidences to support my cases. But I was disappointed with how a certain somebody put a blame on me of not "making things possible". I was so angry I nearly flipped the table. :) ( Could you believe that?). I realized I had a streak of anger that is totally scary when somebody toyed with my patience (Not enough to want to kill people though). I fought back this time simply by asking "Are you blaming me, then?" and I said "I am sorry I really didn't have the time to make sure everything is good". Fuh!!! Anger released...kekekekek

Right now, I feel sad actually T T. I feel so sad because I know I have given my all and still certain people wasn't satisfied and somehow still pushed me up against the wall. But I am not going to cry. :)

There is no reason to cry. It is okay. It means I am going to break another wall. This time it is the wall of "limit". I am going to break the wall simply because I am ANGRY. hehehehe. (My heart is pounding hard chinggus)

And this is my "Outstation diary for Day-2" this new year. :) It is indeed a very fruitful and productive year for me. For a starter, I actually had the courage to fight back a "little" this time and for someone as timid as me, fighting back is totally a rare case unless I am totally pissed off. Well that just described everyone else out there. Right? It means I am no different than any one of you out there.

So can we change the vibe to a happier tone now?.. :) Chinggus...I know I have done my best. So I am going to congratulate myself no matter what. 

You did well!! I did Well * tapping her shoulder!!  hihii

Love 

XOXO

Passionate In Everything

Your passion is who you are and what you live for every moment of your life. Is that true? If its true then it means bringing your work home and thinking about it night and day or every waking hour is not a problem at all. Right? If your job is your passion I see nothing wrong in doing your job during your personal time aka life after 5pm and on the week end.

How are you all chinggus? I am having so much of fun the past few days (weeks) that I was so totally exhausted basking from happiness of fully enjoying my life which made it hard for me to write down in this blog since I was fully occupied doing something else. But it doesn't mean I did not think of at least find the time to let you know about it. I just..don't have the "energy" and "time" most of the time. I was fully used. hahaha.

Back to my intention of writing today. I was watching "Instanbul Aku Datang" a few weeks ago and it left me with an impression specifically on blogging. Lisa Surihani (my fave actress) was playing a character I actually liked. The character was really adorable and I loved the way she put her mission on her blog and made it known to her blogger friends of how she planned and executed her every move. It was sincerely "odd but so odd it was good to look and to digest".

Because of her character in that movie, I find it amusing to want to be a little bit like her in telling you about every move (not all actually) of my life and be joyful and disappointed together with you here. Are you taking the journey with me? Have I gained your interest? Have I caused you to hate me because of how I viewed my life? Those kind of questions come to my mind. I wonder?..and perhaps will keep wondering..but of course it won't stop me from writing..since it is something that keeps me calm and liberated. :)

My passion these days isn't just writing but also doing my job. hehehe. I have fall in love with my job all over again after I decided to put away my dissatisfaction of my "tutttt"...I feel so happy after making a simple decision "to do my best in everything put in front of me". I decided that I am just going to be the best no matter what. There were moments of struggle of course but every time such things occurred I came back to my promise and recommit myself all over again.

Since I am enjoying my work so much and coupled with "forgiveness" to whoever breaks my heart at the moment, I am now fully giving my best and with that I have been doing more than just working from 7.30am to 5.00pm. I am living truly committed to my work or best described as becoming someone just like how Ma Hye Ri blossomed into a true prosecutor in Prosecutor Princess.

Now this is truly a big thing..since I am so comfortable with the idea of..bringing my job HOME..*clap hands.. :)

And I am happy. 

Fuh!!! I think from now on I am going to totally merge my working time with my personal time. I want to be fully living my passion all year round, every second of the day. I will finish my task at every moment possible where ever I am. and...It's not going to be a burden..because..I LOVE MY WORK.

hahaha..

I love living this life. I hope you are too.

Love

XOXO

Guilty Pleasure

I am sipping a hot jasmine tea right now. :)

It reminds me of "Thailand". In year 2006 the company I worked at, sent me to attend a conference in Thailand. One of the itinerary of my short visit there was to go to a Zoo. The memory is kind of fuzzy now, but I remember well sipping a hot Jasmine tea at one of the cafeteria. The aroma was so soothing I couldn't forget it. :) Not that it has something to do with what I want to share today. It just that, this jasmine tea really relaxed my mind so I can easily put words together to show you how I feel. These days what I really want to do is just to write something wonderful or insightful when I am feeling very much relaxed. At least, I can rub off some good feelings to you. Do you feel it?? :P

By the way, the reason why I write this article today is to break you a very important news. haha. Just a few weeks ago, I wrote about my new year's goal which is to "not shop for clothes" this one whole year. Well..unfortunately I have break it. hmmm..

Let me tell you why. ehemm..Consider this as a great excuse ya??,,:P

Tomorrow my husband is coming and I have not seen him since last christmas so I am expecting him to come with much excitement and happiness. Like any woman who are in love or wanted to show her best, I feel the need and I mean..I always wanted to look my best when I first greet him when he arrives. So I did a lot of things. I clean the room, I stock up the fridge and ..I scan through my closet to find the right clothes to wear. hehe..It sounds like I am going for my first date isn't it? Well..I still feel like that now.

It happens that, I really couldn't find anything that I wanted to wear to "please" him. heheh..So today I went out not actually having the thought of shopping in mind because I still for a minute wanted to keep my promise. However, I passed a clothing store and there was a display of a very modern casual style of top that really caught my attention. I fell in love with that top. But I tried not to be shaken at that moment. Instead, I diverted my attention to the bookstore because at the same time I am missing Haruki Murakami books and in need of his kind of craft to fill up my empty reading session. Anyway, as I reached the bookstore I flipped every book possible  but nothing captured my attention...still I didn't give up easily so I lingered there for almost an hour. But still I couldn't find one that really took my breath away. Haruki Murakami books were there of course  but I really didn't feel like reading the one that was still on the shelf. In the end I walked out without purchasing anything.

And then, I passed that clothing store again and whew..I thought of just window shopping and right there my mind was whirling with the thought that "Oh..this is so nice, my husband will love me in this"...hahaha.. To cut the story short, I ended up buying not one but three tops. Now that's too bad..ya?? kekekek

So I have to apologize for my hasty decision to share with you my ultimate goal this year. I have not done so well. Let just hope that the next few months will be a better time for me to keep myself in control of my desire to buy clothes. If you think kindly about it, you can just say every bad habits need time to be totally curbed. Right?

Right there.

Happy Chinese New Year chinggus.

XOXO

K-Drama and All the Little Things

Now I am talking about K-drama here not because the local dramas are not good. It is because I don't have a tv at home (said it many times) and I have decided not to have one because of my rather hectic life that I can only choose to enjoy watching drama via online when the time suits me best. Hehe..this is just an introduction to explain the reason why the title above is as such. K?

Everyone pretty much agree that Korean wave is hitting all over the world. Thanks to internet. It is no different here. Actually, to be really honest I am fond of embracing this new culture because being Asean, I concur to their asean values. As much as I like all the Hollywood movies and dramas, it always struck me as being totally alien. It never hits home. Their values are totally different. Don't you think so? Of course I don't mean that I hate them, I only mean to say that I need something much more similiar to my own culture so I can totally relate to it on varying level. Right? 

I have narrated in here how I started to like K-drama. I think it has not been long. I remember watching my first k-drama crack which was "Winter Sonata" and that was like eons ago. It followed by "Autumn in My Heart" and that's it. I didn't stay tune to Korean drama anymore. However my keenness for K-drama returned two years back when "My Girlfriend Is A Gumiho" starring Shin Min Ah and Lee Seung Gi was aired. I was attracted to the very gorgeous actress and very charming actor. That was when I started to really follow the up and coming k-drama on the net. By the way up until then, the only reason I watched Korean drama was mainly for the story until I came across the charming, charismatic Moon Geun Young which I never thought for a second as pretty but yeah..she turned my world upside down when I watched her performance in Mary Stayed Out All Night. I became a total fan and started to watch each and every single one of her movies and dramas. I couldn't blame those fans who defend her on Cheongdamdong Alice (I am one of them..kkekekeke). She literally made me into a craving k-drama addict and all I wanted was a good quality drama which starred by actors not less than her credibility. But alas, a certain blog changed my whole point of view of how to totally appreciate a drama from the acting, directing to scriptwriting wise. It opened up a whole new world for me. I think I have said enough about the beginning of my k-drama addiction.

Let us move on to the little things I learned in K-drama. I learned a lot from watching K-drama and it really did influence me one way or another. It did not only make me into a total fan of Moon Geun Young but also, one way or another with every scene that I watched, I was observant about the culture, the interior design, the make up, the hair style, the fashion, the food and you know..gadgets. I actually bought a samsung mobile phone after watching Mary Stayed Out All Night. Can you believe that? Korean is so good at marketing, don't you think so??

Moon Geun Young as Ryu Min in Love Me Not. She was amazing in here. :)

In a good way, it also taught me how to get in touch with my feminine side especially on the area of fashion. I have to admit, after I graduated I was kind of lost. I didn't know how best to dress up suitable for my age. Thankfully K-drama introduced me to the kind of fashion icon like Yoon Eun Hye and the like that made it possible for me to transition my fashion sense to better suit my age. Thank goodness. :) *clap hands***

I also like how the make up artist was doing with the korean actresses appearances. It was always very much "pure" or nude style that don't need much dramatic make up which I think would suit me best. I have always disliked the "too much" make up that can't be practical in real life unless you are filming. Taking a cue from there, I started to love make up and learned how to apply make up, light enough to just "enhance" my charms without people having to look at me twice because of a heavy stage style make up. hehehe. It really helps with my self-image.

But most of all, because I watched K-drama I started to interact more with fellow k-drama addicts via forums and it really helped me to open up myself a little bit to the world and less like "Go Dok Mi" (its a character in Flower Boy Next Door). It means a lot to me. The mere thought of having a like minded people hovering the net made me feel like I am REAL and not just me. (If you understand what that means..I am confused myself..hahaha)

In short, k-drama did the little things which no one else out there could be able to do for me knowing that I am living in a rather "closed up" world. 

It is a blessing isn't it? ^ ^

I am Not A Victim

I am not a victim. A victim is someone who is unable to do anything for herself or someone who is trapped in a prison of "self" or others.

I was thinking about this word "victim" while I was having a heart to heart conversation with a friend of mine. We were sharing about all the difficulties we were facing in our jobs. As I was listening to her words, I understood that she was as jaded as I was and like me had found difficulty in trusting others. I saw a glimpse of myself in her. She made me realize that I really do not want to be that "jaded" any longer and I wanted her to feel that way too. I want her to believe that life is not that cruel. 

However,  in order for me to make her feel that way I have to examine my own heart and look for the right answer to fill her up. So I have to go back to all the events in my life and asked her the same things about her life. There must be a missing point in there. I asked " Do you have any regret in your life?" "Are you going to do the same thing if you are given a second chance?"The answer is. "There is no regret". "My surrounding have influenced me to make this type of decision and I never see any other way to look at things differently". So those were the limitations. You can also call that "FATE".

The thing is no matter what other way you want to understand your life from then till now, the point of it is just one, it is to fulfill your calling in this world. No?? So then why at one point in your life you feel you are nothing or feel victimized. This word "victim" really can break you as a person. 

Feeling victimized is a feeling that really breaks you if you really put it that way. It can really make you feel so unimportant and useless that you would lose your sense of pride. Once you lose your pride, you will lose your self-esteem and when you lose your self-esteem you will not be able to live true to your potential.

I think about all those things. I think about how demeaning feeling victimized can be to a person. So I make a decision to not feel that way. It's a choice.

I admit that somehow living in this world means you are bound to rub off with a certain kind of people who always want you to bow down to them. It's okay. I can play as a servant, wholeheartedly. really. seriously. But it doesn't mean that I will forget my own dreams. While bowing to others, I will still reach for my ultimate dreams. Those dreams are what planted in my heart. It's a choice. I can complain and disobey or I can obey and still look for something to be victorious on my own pursuit.

I admit that once in a while I go "crazy" but I don't just file it that way. I find ways to cope with it although somehow it might come across as a little "nuts" like..taking a deep breath, checking my reflection in front of the mirror, quietly smiling and put on a nice red lipstick to feel wonderful and gorgeous before stepping in inside "the" room to wait for the "order".

You see I am not that strong of a person that I can be prideful to say that I am strong. I am weak. However, because I am weak I understand my need to have God in my life and the wisdom to understand that "I can do all things through Him who strengthens Me."

I can overcome difficult situations now, because I have fully understood the meaning of relying on God. It is in EVERYTHING. Every little steps of the way.

Thank You Lord.

I am blessed indeed.