I had a beautiful dream. Once upon a time I had great friends...

I had a beautiful dream. I was singing.

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Kau sering membayangi kehidupan ini

Walau kemana arah langkah pergi

Bersyukur serta kukagumi keesaan Tuhan

Kerana menemukan kau dan aku

Chorus;

Aku sedar segalanya sementara

Tiada apa yang kekal di dunia

Seandainya nanti ditakdirkan kita berpisah

Kau tetap manis di dalam ingatan.

That was my song.

In my dream I was in form 4F. I sat at the back. It seemed I was late for class but regardless, my friends; all of my close friends in real life were sitting in front of me. It seemed to that we had an exam and I once again as if it happened before in that place, scored high despite maybe ranked at second this time. Maybe.

In a different scene the school or the teacher in my classroom was organizing a singing performance and it happened that she picked people randomly. I was anxious but I was unusually, unafraid. But I couldn’t really find the tune for the song that I wish to sing. Therefore, I went back to my dorm, grabbed my exercise book not caring if people might saw my random writing inside it if I were to bring it out during my singing performance. I then started to write the song out. As I sung, a memory started flooding in.  This time the memory was a real experience I had when I was in form two. It was a performance during a motivational camp. I sang with my two closest mates. It was amazingly a recollection of an accurate memory of what had really happened. It wasn’t just the two of us singing it. It was the three of us. In the last few years, I had mistakenly remembered it as performed by only the two of us. I and H. Now, that was something Isn’t ?

Again in a different scene, the friend I just had recalled back came to my room. It was a room in my house. It was the old house. This friend was sweating from cleaning up my room.

“Weren’t your turn already passed” I asked her.

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. “ She said.

What a wonderful friend she was. She sweated for me. How can I not acknowledge that?

This dream comes as a comfort. There were two monumental moments there. One was; it reminds me the loneliness I felt after I transferred to a different school when I was in form 4. My dream righted the wrong by providing me a scenario of what could have been if only I stayed back. I could have ended my two years triumphantly with good, real friends whom I shared the same values. It can’t be helped that perhaps despite scoring high, there will be a better opponent who would dash my score. 

Secondly; it reminds me of my friendship with two persons whom I have taken for granted. It’s rather not surprising that these two were the only people who remembered my birth day and sent a greeting on that day.

I could never replace what have taken place in the past but I also could not take for granted those who have rooted for me in the past. Now that I am living as if in a seclusion perhaps I shouldn’t try so much to avoid my wonderful friends. No man is an island.

If you were to watch a Japanese drama series Hanazakari No Kimitachi E you would be brought back to your high school memories. The story was perhaps a little out of the norm because it featured a girl named Ayashi Mizuki who disguised as a boy to enroll in all boy school. The reason was she wanted to make Sano Izumi a boy who was a national high jump champion to jump again after tragically injured while trying to help her. However the nice part of the story wasn’t just about her goal and later their realization of love for each other. It was more than a love story. It was about a friendship story whereby all the people in the school matters and that friendship was the best memory you can bring with you for the rest of your life until you turn old and gray.

That drama gave me that fuzzy, innocent feeling of a high school student. Perhaps, it invoked so much of feelings that I started to remember a lot of things in my high school years. I had amazing friends. And then now, how could I know that things could turn out differently when we are older. We become more selfish trying each day to accomplish our own goal and little by little lost the pure connection we once had. I ask of you; Do you still have someone in the past that you communicate regularly because you are still close with them?

People change. I changed a lot. I can’t keep up with the now and what more of yesterday. But then again, maybe I am just lost.