These are some of the important points I personally liked and would like to take account from this book.
1. The word you longed to hear - No matter what word you’ve longed to hear – I forgive you, I love you, I’m proud of you – there are some people who won’t or can’t say them. But your forgiveness tank is not based on the other person; it’s based on your relationship with God. People are not the one who can fill you up. That’s God job! Allow Him to be the source of your strength and hope and love and forgiveness. When you are replenished and overflowing, you will become the source of life and strength to others. In the process you’ll help them climb out of their pit as well.
2. Closed spirit – If your spouse has a closed spirit on you, try to work on the only person you can change: you.
3. Become a Great wordsmith – When you use the same words repeatedly with your spouse, sooner or later they will come off as insincere. Try to find fresh new words to convey your feelings.
4. Nine roadblocks to happiness, read (here) – you are the common denominator in your relationships.
5. People who angered you - Make a list of people who have offended you, hurt you or let you down. Seek reconciliation and forgiveness now.
6. Concentrate on your own spiritual journey - While a couple may start out following Jesus together, there may come a day when one spouse gives up faith and stop growing. There are three journeys here:
a. Your spiritual journey. You are 100% responsible to discover your gifts and be good steward of your walk with Christ. Your mate is 0% responsible for this journey.
b. Your mate spiritual journey. You are 0% responsible for this journey, but your mate is 100% responsible to discover his or her gifts and be good steward of his or her walk with Christ.
c. Your marital journey. You both are to honour, encourage and assist each other throughout a lifetime of commitment.
7. If you are addicted to something - Break the addiction by;-
a. Hiding nothing. Confess your sins.
b. Receiving forgiveness. Receive forgiveness, let go of the guilt and shame and see yourself as God now sees you.
c. Redefining yourself. Redefine yourself in light of God’s love, strength, love power and redemption.
d. Recruiting assistants. Have friends to encourage and rebuke you.
e. Practicing spiritual disciplines. Practice three spiritual disciplines ( consistent prayer time, regular quiet time, great relationships)
f. Writing letters and reading books
8. If your spouse is addicted to something – Recover from your spouse’s addiction or affair by;-
a. Taking time to mourn. Acknowledge the pain, surrounds yourself with friends and Christian counselors. Take time to heal. Don’t expect an immediate healing.
b. Creating boundaries. Guard your heart and body from any level of perversion.
c. Becoming a learner. Understand more about the deadly cycle of addiction.
d. Not taking the blame. Recognize that you are not the reason for your mate’s stumble, struggle or addiction.
e. Choosing to forgive. Even if your spouse is unrepentant, you must forgive.
f. Assisting your spouse’s recovery. Rather than trying to change your spouse or play moral police, pray for your spouse and challenge him or her to get the help and support he or she needs.
9. How to maintain marriages (examples from real life couples);-
a. Write notes. Write note to each other to communicate.
b. Remember your date night. Couples who enjoy regular date night often maintain deeper levels of communication and openness. Date night gives couples time to connect, discuss issues and enjoy each other.
c. Phone home while you are on the road
d. Talk pillow talk. Go to bed early before exhaustion sets in.
e. Feed the kids early
f. Don’t bring everything home
1. The word you longed to hear - No matter what word you’ve longed to hear – I forgive you, I love you, I’m proud of you – there are some people who won’t or can’t say them. But your forgiveness tank is not based on the other person; it’s based on your relationship with God. People are not the one who can fill you up. That’s God job! Allow Him to be the source of your strength and hope and love and forgiveness. When you are replenished and overflowing, you will become the source of life and strength to others. In the process you’ll help them climb out of their pit as well.
2. Closed spirit – If your spouse has a closed spirit on you, try to work on the only person you can change: you.
3. Become a Great wordsmith – When you use the same words repeatedly with your spouse, sooner or later they will come off as insincere. Try to find fresh new words to convey your feelings.
4. Nine roadblocks to happiness, read (here) – you are the common denominator in your relationships.
5. People who angered you - Make a list of people who have offended you, hurt you or let you down. Seek reconciliation and forgiveness now.
6. Concentrate on your own spiritual journey - While a couple may start out following Jesus together, there may come a day when one spouse gives up faith and stop growing. There are three journeys here:
a. Your spiritual journey. You are 100% responsible to discover your gifts and be good steward of your walk with Christ. Your mate is 0% responsible for this journey.
b. Your mate spiritual journey. You are 0% responsible for this journey, but your mate is 100% responsible to discover his or her gifts and be good steward of his or her walk with Christ.
c. Your marital journey. You both are to honour, encourage and assist each other throughout a lifetime of commitment.
7. If you are addicted to something - Break the addiction by;-
a. Hiding nothing. Confess your sins.
b. Receiving forgiveness. Receive forgiveness, let go of the guilt and shame and see yourself as God now sees you.
c. Redefining yourself. Redefine yourself in light of God’s love, strength, love power and redemption.
d. Recruiting assistants. Have friends to encourage and rebuke you.
e. Practicing spiritual disciplines. Practice three spiritual disciplines ( consistent prayer time, regular quiet time, great relationships)
f. Writing letters and reading books
8. If your spouse is addicted to something – Recover from your spouse’s addiction or affair by;-
a. Taking time to mourn. Acknowledge the pain, surrounds yourself with friends and Christian counselors. Take time to heal. Don’t expect an immediate healing.
b. Creating boundaries. Guard your heart and body from any level of perversion.
c. Becoming a learner. Understand more about the deadly cycle of addiction.
d. Not taking the blame. Recognize that you are not the reason for your mate’s stumble, struggle or addiction.
e. Choosing to forgive. Even if your spouse is unrepentant, you must forgive.
f. Assisting your spouse’s recovery. Rather than trying to change your spouse or play moral police, pray for your spouse and challenge him or her to get the help and support he or she needs.
9. How to maintain marriages (examples from real life couples);-
a. Write notes. Write note to each other to communicate.
b. Remember your date night. Couples who enjoy regular date night often maintain deeper levels of communication and openness. Date night gives couples time to connect, discuss issues and enjoy each other.
c. Phone home while you are on the road
d. Talk pillow talk. Go to bed early before exhaustion sets in.
e. Feed the kids early
f. Don’t bring everything home
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