I have not been writing up in this blog for sometimes. For some reasons, I choose to focus on doing something else other than pouring out my heart and soul. Honestly, I am a bit messed up. I missed my husband so much so, It hurt so much not being able to do anything at the moment. My struggle, our struggle to be close to each other has not totally come true yet. We still have a long way to go.
The things that keep me strong are memories. Memories that remind me of all the beautiful moments I shared with him from the first day I met him till now.
I first saw him one day with a group of friends and couldn't help but noticing how fair and tall he was. But It was not really a love at the first sight. Quite frankly I didn't think of him twice right then.
He approached me during a youth group conference asking for my email and that how it all started. I watched how he sheepishly looking for a pen somewhere in his pockets but couldn't find one. It was rather amusing to watch him. My first impression then was, he looked like a father. ^_^. He exuded that kind of aura. A sense of security that made me feel peaceful just by standing next to him.
It didn't stop there. He emailed me asking a very simple question which related to the youth conference. We exchanged email after that and found out how "manly" he was in writing an email. He didn't even choose his word carefully. He simply throw whatever words he wanted to say which actually revealed to me that he really didn't know girl that much..hmm..^_^.
He gave me his house number in his hometown when the semester break came. I never really decided to call him up but what happened was when I got back home, I went through a very difficult time I really do not want to talk about it with anyone that knew me. Since I needed to breathe, I still need to talk , just talk about something with a stranger and that was the time I decided to call him. The strangest thing was, that was the first time I really talked to him and the oddest thing was, I felt like I have known him forever. I found my soulmate. I even wrote him an email saying " I have waited for you for 21 years" to which he made fun of. ^_^, which was really upsetting. haha ^_^ (I was 21 year old at that time)
Many years after that, we went through a lot of things together. When I was about to give up he was always there making it clear to me that he couldn't let go of me.
I remember just in the middle of deciding not to meet him anymore I came across a letter I wrote in 2004, Just after I graduated. I intended to send it to him way back then but it ended up stuck in my album.
It was everything about how I feel for him and how I saw our future together. I wrote there " I had a strong feeling that we will be together. It's like thinking to find a job even before you graduated because you know its bound to happen and its your destiny". It was a feeling then. I felt that it was my destiny.
It was then I realized how much I must have avoided my destiny. Yes..there is such thing called "Destiny".
When I gave him that letter later on 6 years after it was first written, It felt as if it was the right moment. The seal for our confused mind to end or to tie the knot. Destiny.
I made a promise to myself just after I made the vow. The vow was made to God, but certainly a promise I made it to myself. I promised I will no longer stray away from my destiny regardless of how winding the road to happiness is. In pain and in hurt, I still found that magic moment every time I see him.
So then, I just pray for the Lord to keep him safe and to lead him to have all the dreams he dreamed. Until then, I'll wait for the moment that would finally bring us together in one place. The place where I belong to. At the side of my husband.
